The E-Rich Show

Untitled

2010-06-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

- I want to update, I really do, but guess what?

- My fucking keyboard is broke. Unfortunately, I'm not rich like everyone else that blogs, so I have to wait until my responsibilities allow me to squeeze out some keyboard money.

- Malcolm Maximillion a.k.a "The nigga I went to middle school with" finished his album which I plan on hearing sometime soon.

- Not to mention N.I.K.E. is getting his beats rapped over when I'm not around.

- I blame being out of the loop on being the only nigga with a baby.

- Maybe I'm getting old, but teenagers dress gay nowadays.

- Not "stupid" gay, but "Ooooh, is that a dick? Do you mind if I put it in my mouth?" gay.

- I mean, if dudes were wearing their shirts extra tight and their pants way below their ass five years ago, we'd assume they were into sphincter play.

- Well, at least if you wore a tight shirt. Black men still seem to not think it's even remotely booty-bandit like to wear your pants with your boxers showing.

- And capris or as I called them, long shorts.

- I used to wear those. I deleted every picture of me wearing them.

Only Stupid People Die from Gas

2010-06-16T16:40:00.001-07:00

I like to put people on to stuff, so you better enjoy these videos I'm about to post.

The Break Room is akin to a multiracial version of the office, although 15 minutes shorter. This web show is hilarious and filled with enough quotables to interest Judd Apatow. Maronzio Vance, who also created and writes the show, steals his creation as the "straight man" of the series. The problems in the show revolve around him, forcing him to interact with his co-workers. The chemistry between Maronzio and the co-workers is part of what makes the show so funny. Enough of me trying to be a critic, watch this shit.

Different Differences

2010-06-16T14:52:00.000-07:00

I discovered my new favorite song of 2010 (Well, second favorite after OMG. Don't judge me.)

Might I add that the red-bone who enters at 1:08 is delectable. While watching the video, I got a sense of deja vu. That comes from the fact that the video is strongly reminiscent of one of my favorite songs/videos, "Can't Stop" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Look, they're both artsy-fartsy, weird and look like they were filmed in warehouses. Go eat yourself.

Well, point is, there are videos I've noticed over time that seem to imitate (see bite off of) other videos before it.

Rihanna "Rude Boy" imitates M.I.A. "Boyz"

If it's not obvious, you need to hop off Rihanna's dick. However, Robyn Fenty's version has better production value, less emphasis on men and more emphasis on making my pants tighter.

Rihanna "Disturbia" imitates Nine Inch Nails "Closer"

Strange, dim setting. Pasty faced humans. Jacob's Ladder style filming. However, Nine Inch Nails actually succeeds in making me totally uncomfortable watching this by myself or with company. They also succeed in making a better song. They could've just said "I wanna fuck you like an animal" the whole song and I'd like it, so my tastes aren't exactly meant to be respected. Rihanna also needs to get more creative directors.

Ne-Yo "Mad" imitates Nickelback "Someday"

Nickelback got totally swiped. These are the music video versions of the two Death at a Funerals; the original is considered better and the only reason the new one is accepted is because it has black people in it.

You Know What Grinds My Gears?

2010-06-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

Gay Bashing

Now, I wouldn't consider myself a gay activist, per se, but I do believe in the ethical treatment of humans. I get pissed when people compare the "battle for gay rights" to the civil rights movement of the 60's, but everyone has to admit that gay people get the shaft in the 21st century. lol, shaft.

If you've ever watched the news, you should know what I'm talking about. They always ask some old bitch what they think about gay people and they start saying "They're disgusting! They all need to die! They shouldn't be allowed to get married because faggots are gross! Ugh, yucky!" Okay, I might have over-exaggerated a smidgen, but that's only 20 percent worse.

People don't say shit like this when it comes to race (not including "illegal immigrants". American patriotism gives the okay to racism as long as they weren't born in the U.S. ((That also doesn't matter, as long as they look like they aren't from America))), gender and even age. I think it's fucked up to be able to say such cruddy shit about people without reprimand just because of what they do behind closed doors. Scissoring, reach-arounds, and sword-fighting aside, homosexual men and women were pushed out of vaginas (or stomachs) just like every other mammal.

Except this son of a bitch: the real abomination.

One of my favorite things about gay bashers are the ridiculous reasons they have to dislike someone besides the fact that they think they shouldn't fuck someone with the same genitalia they have.

One example is that many religious nuts and other kinds of nuts think gay people shouldn't get married because marriage is sacred. As all red, white and blue-blooded Americans know, marriage is sacred as shit.

That's some sacred ass shit right there. So, dickhead consensus is that it's okay for a mega-old supercougar to marry Al B. Sure Jr., but if two men get married, Jesus will come back and viciously eliminate all of us? Fuck you, dude.

There's also the argument that I just got hip to, which is that gay people shouldn't be together since they can't have babies. Anyone with common sense could easily counter that with "What about women who aren't able to have babies?" Then, the conversation would go something like:

Dipshit: "Women are supposed to have babies"
Smart person: "What about lesbians?"
Dipshit: "They need a penis"
Smart person: "What if someone puts their sperm in the lesbian and then she raises the baby with her partner?"

Then they lean on the most popular excuse for gay-bashing, the Bible. God said gay people are basically monsters.

What gay people looked like before Christ

The Bible also said it was okay for a man to repopulate with his daughters and to tell a man to kill his son just to see if he would do it. The Bible was written by humans and is therefore going to be laced with bits of bias. Besides, if God made every human, and homosexuals are humans, why would God make an abomination to himself? That's like me fucking hating peppermint patties and then making a peppermint patty just to hate it.

Loud Bitches

I'm a quiet guy. Rather than yell across the street at someone that doesn't see me, I'd rather jog across and scare the shit out of them. Some call it creepy, I call it "being considerate to the fact that other people don't give a fuck about anything I have to say out of my mouth, so I'm not going to raise my voice like an assface".

Unfortunately, not everyone shares my sentiments. Being a native of Baltimore City, I had to get used to the incessant screaming of hoodrats, recognizing it as a given, much like our infamous junkies.

Imagine seeing this every time you go to a gas station

Me, however, being the quiet guy, I dislike this shit immensely. There's nothing I hate more than sitting on the bus with 5 teenaged scumpussies in the back yelling about shit no one cares about. To make themselves even more ghetto and undesirable, they get upset when people look at them like they're retarded or decide to be extra loud when talking about someone else on the bus. Sadly, no one has directed a tirade against me, because I will shut them down properly.

One thing I dislike more than a loud female bitch is a loud male bitch. Me being my manly self, I feel that any man who does something like talk on the phone all the time without an important job or speak really loudly on the phone is a bitch. Guys don't have to talk on the phone when they're by themselves to scare people away from hollering at them, so any excuse is unacceptable.

My Son

If this nigga doesn't stop doing the same shit I told him not to do 7 seconds ago, I'm gonna drop that motherfucker.

Itunes

Fuck Steve Jobs and fuck Apple.

Niggas who underrate women to look cool

Like, really? That shit gets annoying seeing people post pictures of superbad complete and agreeable, ass-hot spankable women and then seeing a comment like "thighs are too fat". What is the point of this? I refuse to believe there are men with standards that high.

"She has elbows like Baraka"

No, really. Do you know any men (or women) with girlfriends that are "OH, HOLY FU-. . . WOW" hot? Now count the amount of men (or women) you know with normal attractive girlfriends. I assure you the ratio of "WHOA, ARE YOU REAL?" hot girlfriends to "I'd beat" girlfriends are about 1:6, respectively. I'm not saying men don't have standards, but I find it dishonest to pretend that you're standards for a woman's body have shit to do with whether you'd be naked around her or not. I mean, honestly, I don't care about a chick's calf muscles or neck length. What matters is "is she hot?" and "will anything on her make me uncomfortable visually or physically mid-coitus?"

Swaggasaurus Rex

2010-04-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

- Maaaaaaaaan.

- So, I've been neglecting this blog, but I'm going to keep it up. (Insert lie about updating more). I've seriously thought about the fact that I don't post as much because I'm not being my full-on, nerdy self. Most of the shit I end up posting is about music and pop culture (I hate that word). I figured I might as well start being my MMA-loving, video-game playing, weird-shit lovings self. Hopefully no one will mind since only two people remember this place. I want to be able to document myself and the times so when I press a button on the side of my face in 50 years so I can surf the internet in my cornea, I can say "Damn. . . I was fucking awesome".

- I'm tripping off of Republicans right now. I didn't pay a lot of attention to political shit when Bill "Skeet Skeet" Clinton was in office; all I cared about at that point was the Power Rangers and trying to be attractive to girls. However, I'm pretty sure that Republicans weren't threatening lives and creating conspiracy theories. There are a group of people called "Birthers" who think Barack Hussein Obama was born in Kenya and his offical fucking U.S. documents are fake. They honestly believe this. I'm flabbergasted.

I also hear they sent death threats to congressmen over the Health Care bill being passed. I've realized that these nutty right-wing conservatives really solve everything with violence. This also comes to light when you consider that spending billions on a war isn't as expensive as providing a bunch of people with healthcare they didn't have before. That's like saying you'd rather donate money to the NRA than Red Cross.

- My son is now 10 months old and he's trying to walk. He annoys me to no end and it's worse because I'm not allowed to be mad at him. A majority of the time he spends awake at my house is spent either trying to crawl up the steps or escape through a door. He does dance and wave, now. He also screams really loud like a little asshole.

As he gets bigger everyone says he's starting to look like me.

You will get over the picture size.

He also loves Yo Gabba Gabba, which is the best children's show ever and I wish they had it when I was 5.

- I want to knee both of my brothers in the chest.

- Yo, I swear if this nigga wake my son up, I'm going to strangle him Homer Simpson style.

- I need to do more phone conversations with my brother on the blog. He is a manslut.

- This picture is horrifying mind rape at it's finest. It's face has fucking faces.

Go E-Rich, It's your birthday. Yes, for real real. Not for play play.

2010-04-03T08:21:00.000-07:00

I will be updating this throughout the day, possibly with pictures and videos. First:

These things made my birthday:

- Apparently, there's going to be an entire project called ALL CITY CHESS CLUB featuring Lupe Fiasco, Charles Hamilton, The Cool Kids, Asher Roth, B.O.B. J. Cole, Diggy and Wale. That's ridiculous because all of them have been on my mp3 player at one time or another.

- The Clipse is going to be at the Sonar on May 3rd, which means I will be back with awesome pictures. I've been waiting for the Clipse to come to Baltimore for like two years. Maybe Pusha T will touch my hand. I'm not even going to pause that. Think what you want.

Thanks, Dioracat!

Thank you, Bria Myles, for existing.

I'm Just Humoring Myself

2010-03-29T20:17:00.000-07:00

0:09 That Bank of America sign is what made me post this. Now, I must find more hilarity in the latest video from Soulja Boy's footstool. No, seriously, I fucks with Bank of America and all, but that had nothing to do with anything. I withdraw from ATMs, too, nigga.

0:15 Like, really, there's no need for the camera to be this shaky in a music video. I'm getting seasick. I'm lying, I've been feeling like this since I started the video.

0:21 An empty parking lot. This shit is gonna be so bad.

0:23 This nigga looks like a light-skinned Soulja Boy. What?

0:25 . . . I thought Arab was here last year? I mean, I don't see this nigga getting on XXL lists anytime soon. Then again, they had OJ Da Juiceman. "I got six rings like a basketball player. Freshman of the year like a basketball, player." That's two bars from his freestyle.

0:29 Credits at the beginning of the video that looks like credits for the end of a video? This shit is like a middle school film project.

0:35 "I am not you, you are not me" That's not how you start a song off.

0:38 He said "you are making light-skin look slopply" That's how he said it. I might not make it to 1 minute.

0:45 This nigga just rhymed "I'm the best" with "I'm the best". We got to do better.

0:47 This nigga put up a picture in the middle of a video like a youtube slide show. Your best friend is dumb rich and was fucking Rosa Acosta and this is the best you can do?

0:51 "I got skills. I got swag. You got skills. With no swag." Oh, God. My head, hurts.

0:57 He rhymed "dog" with "low". I'm about to kill myself.

1:20 For 16 seconds this nigga just had a picture of himself looking like OJ Da Juiceman's gay little brother.

This dude in the comments said Arab got lips like his ex-wife.

. . .

Let me check my gaydar

2:00 The fact that people gave him encouragement to make a mixtape of this lyrical feces shows that Soulja Boy is not a good leader. Now back in the Wu-Tang Clan days, RZA would've shut this shit down immediately.

2:21 "I spit rhymes. Fuck a metaphor."

2:34 Fuck this. I quit. This shit is literally giving me a migraine.

To make up for this, I offer you this golden nugget of comedy. Imagine the exact opposite of Arab's lyrics and flow, but animated.

Jun Seba R.I.P.

2010-03-19T07:59:00.000-07:00

More popularly known as "Nujabes", Jun Seba passed away in late February in a car accident. He gained popularity when he produced a nice chunk of the music for Samurai Champloo, using a jazzy, melodic production style. I'd even go as far as saying he's like a Japanese J Dilla, and unfortunately they share another similarity.

I find it kind of fucked up that his label kept this secret for, like, 3 weeks, but it makes sense. The fact that no one found out before today shows how mysterious he really was. You rarely see interviews or pictures of him partying besides DJing, but with music like his, you don't need a public persona.

Much like Dilla. See?

I'd put this beat in my top 20 favorite beats ever.

Take You to the Movies (Like That African Dude)

2010-03-17T08:52:00.000-07:00

Legend of the Guardians

I was sold soon as the owl flew in front of the screen with the helmet on. It's made by the same guys that made Happy Feet, so I'm expecting high-quality and more freak-dancing fowl.

Death at a Funeral

I unfortunately discovered that this is based on an English movie that came out 3 YEARS AGO. However, I would still go see this for Tracy Morgan and Martin Lawrence possibly being old funny Martin. And understanding more about the whole fucking a gay midget thing.

Knight and Day

I thought this would be ridiculous, but this trailer actually turned out being pretty funny. After Tom Cruise did this

I'm pretty much going to think everything he's in is funny. I almost forget he's a scientologist sometimes.

Marmaduke

Marmaduke Trailer - The funniest videos are a click away

Are you fucking serious?

Five Words

2010-03-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

Rihanna makes me horny again.

Still think that's a hermaphrodite.

"Ka-Pow. Ow, that shit hurt."

Dinosaurs are fucking bad ass.

Ladawn Black is so hot.

No PS3. Having suicidal thoughs.

Perfect example of a butterface.

No shame in owning this.

Of course it's the Bible.

I'm sick of your song.

Facebook

2010-02-21T12:25:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: Look, if you wanna read these, you gonna have to click on them. I don't feel like resizing this shit.

The Day After Tomorrow

2010-02-21T10:31:00.000-08:00

- Man, Baltimore got hit with two big ass snow storms two weeks ago, but so did the rest of the northeast of America.

- I went to spend a night over my baby mama/future fiancee house and the damn power went out that night.

- The next day we trudged 1 and half miles through about 2 feet of snow during the blizzard to take E3 to my house. That shit was like something out of an adventure book. I almost didn't make it.

- I had to take his ass in the house, then turn around and get Jasmine, moving like a turtle out this ho.

- I like how it was like 3 feet of snow outside, but all of the liquor stores were still open. Not that I'm complaining.

- Some douche bag left his van in the middle of our street to go to Super Bowl party. That bitch was there for four days.

- Me and a bunch of my neighbors ended up shoveling most of the street so people can get their cars out.

- Speaking of cars, I got my license. Too bad I don't have a car.

- I could steal one, it's in my blood.

- My mom's going to read that and snitch on me.

- I've considered putting out a mixtape. In all seriousness.

- I mean, I always talk about how much rappers suck, so why not prove I wouldn't suck.

- Stop laughing.

- My son can crawl now. He can also slap you back if you hit his hand.

- I see him getting punished a lot in his future.

No, Let's Not Do It

2010-02-21T09:43:00.000-08:00

So, right, I figured I'd come back (and hopefully stay) to talk about something that's been irking me the past two days. Popular rookie rapper and future one hit wonder Wacka Flocka has made a controversial confession in Whoo Kid interview where he basically admits he can't rap.

“It ain't got nothing to do with lyrics. I ain't got no lyrics.”

“That's when I don't trip when niggas be like, ‘Man, shawty can't rap'. The nigga that everybody say is lyrical, they ain't got no shows.”

“I don't even care about selling records. As long as I get them shows for $15,000, four to five days out the week, I'm happy.”

link

So, right, I'm not surprised. Everyone knows Wacka Flocka can't rap.

I'd also like to add he has one of the top five worst rap names in the world. It sounds like a Nick Jr. Show.

*ahem*

Everyone knows Wacka Flocka can't rap. Even his fans. A friend of mine happens to be an avid Wacka Flocka fan. I dare not pursue an argument with this woman, because she is much like the rap fans who wear "FREE _____" shirts after a nigga kills someone. Now, I'm glad he admitted it to, but to claim rappers who actually enunciate their words and use metaphors "don't get no money" is merely ignorant.

I mean, it's really easy to say someone isn't getting money just because you don't see them. I mean, he's doing shows in Georgia, Texas, New Orleans, etc. while the "niggas with lyrics" are performing in Germany, Japan and France. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Now, the actual offense I take from his statement says a lot about rap as a whole. You'll never hear a country singer say "I can't sing. I just say the words. The people who do sing don't make any money." Nor will you hear a member of a rock band say "I can't play drums. I just bang on these shits and people pay for it."

I have no one to blame for Juaquin's (is that how you spell it?) attitude but the people that buy his shit, and Yung Joc's shit and Young Jeezy's shit and the list goes on. Having rappers admit they can't rap is a slap in the face to the music and the artists who paved the way for this. Method Man, among others, already have their opinion about Juaquin's statement, and I'm sure there are more.

Let's see where this nigga career goes, because rappers like Jibbs and 2 Pistols sucked dick at being able to rap and I haven't heard from any of them. I hope he doesn't perform in New York anytime soon. Or Detroit. I heard they fight over shit like that there.

When the fuck did I get 73 followers?

Oh Shit, Is That a Pool!?

2009-12-16T10:46:00.000-08:00

- IT'S THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH, AND I GOT A BITCH WITH ME

- School's out for the winter. Maybe longer. Maybe more on that eventually.

- What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

- Santa Claus stops at 3 ho's! LOLLA AT YA BOY.

- *sigh*

- Eric is 5 months now. He's weird as shit. He likes to lean all the way back in to a St. Louis arch shape when you're holding him and he has the uncanny ability to move when you're not looking. Seriously.

- I'm seriously considering going to Ground Control. I want to learn Muay Thai and Judo and shit. Maybe I'll even fight.

- Nothing is more manly than beating a man unconscious and then walking away with a 3 inch gash on your forehead and a swollen eye.

- Except killing a lion and a bear in handicap match.

- I wish I had more to talk about, but I'm focusing on stuff, like - Uh-oh, time to go.

-

Not Cool

2009-11-16T09:30:00.000-08:00

I just happened to be on Dat Piff and I saw this travesty. First off, while the photoshop job isn't the worst, it's still pretty bad. This nigga on the red carpet. . . look at the cuffs of his pants. You're not balling if your pants look like that.

I also found out that this nigga is from Baltimore.

His mixtape is terrible. He's obviously one of those "rap about money because that's what people want to hear, but I really don't do shit with my life" rappers. I just felt I needed to post this.

Glass Half Full

2009-11-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so I haven't been "blogging" a lot. Whatever. I wanted to do a solid(||) for the dude 810. I told him a while ago that I would post him on the blog being that he's a Baltimore native and he doesn't suck.

He just dropped his mixtape Glass Half Full yesterday. I haven't listened to it yet, but it's been getting rave reviews. Seriously, check this guy out.

I'm going to start posting again. No, for real.

*S.A.F.O. (or **GTFOHWTS)

2009-09-22T15:43:00.000-07:00

So, right, I have this co-worker and shit and this motherfucker is starting to pluck my nerves. The dude, he's like, in his late 30's and all he talks about is fucking wrestling and unfunny jokes. This isn't why he's getting on my nerves, but I'll get to that. He also smells like pissy cardboard, but that's neither here nor there.

Now, when I first started working at (insert company name here) a co-worker who works in automotive tells me "Watch out for (insert annoying motherfucker's name here). He's a snitch." I took heed, of course, but I didn't know the depth of his tattle-tale ways at that point. Let's fast forward to recently.

Now, my manager talks to me focusing more on work and blah blah dick fuck marshmallow ass and I'm like "Cool, whatever. Let's work." At this point, I'm making even more of an effort at my job to look like a "good worker". Unfortunately, the following Sunday, I have to work with old snitchbitch. I spent about twenty minutes outside of my work area trying to get a rack for us to hang clothes on and this nigga pages me over the intercom system like three times. I, personally, have a beef with being treated like a kid, so I ignored him and came back when I was finish. The day goes pretty normal until Monday afternoon.

So I come in and there's a note on the MPU board for me saying what I'm supposed to do and shit when I notice that our lead put something at the bottom. It said something like "Eric has a lot of work to do in the back, being that he didn't do any work on Sunday". First off, that's hogwash because I spent at least 80 percent of my day opening boxes and shit. Second, I know that snitchbitch told her this lie because she doesn't work weekends.

In response, I decided to write a little note of my own, scratching out that bullshit and writing "This is complete and utter tripe. I was, in fact, in the back doing work, despite what (SnitchyMcLiarface) may have claimed." I also noticed that on our board that we have to check off to show what we did, this nigga checked off all of his shit and then wrote in mine "Was on sales floor, not in MPU". Of course, I'm pissed now. If I wasn't actually doing work, I wouldn't care as much, but when I actually put in work and someone starts discrediting me, I don't like that shit. So I then wrote "What is this trash? I would like to see the footage of me on the floor not doing work because this is news to me. I feel that a man in his late 30's making unfounded claims is very immature and offensive." I did actually write that, I didn't edit this shit to make myself sound like a rebel.

I left that up there for our lead to see and I guess she read it. I also found out that (Sir Snitchalot) doesn't trust me with the keys that I need to unlock the TV cage. Now, I need these keys so I can get the shit out in the five minutes that we have to get it without giving up a coupon. Every time this fucker goes on lunch or leaves, he's all "I'm gonna put these keys in the office" knowing damn well I need them. Now, rules are that anyone can carry the keys, as long as they sign them out. I found out from another worker that apparently this fucker doesn't trust me. Now, I could say because I'm black. I will say that shit.

I used to be all nice to this dude because he was weird and standing up for him when everyone said he was retarded, but now my sympathy is dwindling. Can you believe this stool pigeon tried to give me a fist bump the Friday after he tried to get me in trouble? The audacity.

I have insisted that I'm going to start treating him like a bitch, since that's what works for him. I mean, everyone treats him like a fuckboy. The manager, our lead, our co-workers, everyone. I don't know if my lead is angry at me for being a "smart-ass" or whatever, but I think she's trying to put me on fuckboy status, too, which I don't approve of. See, my availability is 10 am until 3 p.m. on Saturdays. Now they're trying to make me come in earlier. Like, 8 am early tomorrow.

LOL

*S.A.F.O. = Suck a fat one

**GTFOHWTS = Get the fuck outta here with that shit

"No one is scared of 50 Cent"

2009-09-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

- This school/work/father shit is tiring. I mean, it's partially my fault I don't get a lot of sleep, but, b, I only get approximately three and a half hours to myself at night.

- It's this African couple in my human geography class. Homeboy girl keep giving me the sneaky eyes and dude be stale-facing me like it's my fault. I don't know if she said something or he caught her, but every time I check his broad out, he staring at me.

- I don't wanna fight over some slore I don't know at UMBC.

-

- Now, I stopped buying Complex magazine for a while due to the incessant immature gay jokes and and the fact that it's owned by Marc Ecko, who's clothing line isn't even relevant anymore, but the fact that Clipse is on the cover might persuade me to purchase this one.

-

- I would really like to own this soon. Mark this down for possible future purchase.

- I want to complain about a co-worker, but I'll save that for another blog post.

- I don't know if I'm just crazy, but there has been a recent influx of open gayness in Baltimore. I can't remember the last time I caught a bus without a member of the LGBT community on it.

- Don't think that there is anything wrong with that, but imagine if all of a sudden you started seeing Asian people everywhere.

- Exactly.

- I'm going to a party Friday. Might take pictures. Might not.

- Might be super drunk.

- (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

- like that up there.

- (570): "Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
(609): Haha how much did you smoke
(570): 4 feet of smokeee!

- or like that up there.

The Ecstatic Tour Stop @ the Sonar

2009-09-18T20:59:00.000-07:00

So me and Tim, better known now as Martian Lewis, went to the Ecstatic Tour show down the Sonar on Wednesday night. We got there an hour early so we could get front row and only two other people were there in front of us. A lady with a big phat donkey ass and her son. It must've been big phat donkey ass night at the Sonar, because there were a lot of big phat donkey asses.

When we finally got in, we had to wait a whole hour (doors opened at 7:30) for someone to perform. The first performance was by Soul Cannon, a hip-hop/jazz band from Baltimore.

Soul Cannon was really energetic and they were a live band, so that helped. I'm not talking about the other opening acts because they really weren't worth talking about. Yup.

Jay Electronica came out and opened up with "Dear Moleskine", his Just Blaze produced track that was teased with a trailer. Jay Electronica was high and probably tipsy and you could tell. He also told us that he smoked two blunts with his DJ before he came on.

Some people complained about his intoxicated state, but fuck them, it was fun. He lip-synched an opera song, told us about his wager with his DJ about women liking getting choked during sex and did a rendition of "Give It To Me Baby".

However, through bouts of non-hip-hop entertainment, he still managed to perform like six songs, including fan-favorites "Exhibit A" and "Dimethytryptamine".

Talib Kweli came out next and rocked it, of course. Before he performed, it was interesting to note that they played "Because I Got High" by Afroman and everyone in the crowd knew the words. In the middle of Talib's set, someone proceeded to smoke marijuana in the crowd.

After Kweli's performance and a fifteen-minute wait, Flaco Bey himself came out, dressed like he was about to drive a train, and proceeded to play the drums while performing "Supermagic" off of the Ecstatic.

He also performed some songs from True Magic and did a cover of "Billie Jean".

Then, Talib Kweli came on stage and they performed some Black Star classics.

Mos Def also spoke on the Kanye situation, stating that Kanye was his best friend and he "didn't put spit on her, he didn't put his hands on that broad" and that everyone was blowing this out of proportion. Also, he said that Jay Leno should get "smacked in his banana-looking face" for asking Kanye what he would think that his mom would think about his actions.

All around it was fun night, blah blah. Look, it's late, I posted pictures, I'm uploading videos later.

Ungrateful

2009-09-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

Oh, wow.

So don't be angry when you see a black dude with a white girl.

10 Steps Forward, 50 Steps Back

2009-09-09T04:25:00.000-07:00

NEW YORK (Sept. 8) -- Brian Milligan Sr. believes his son's race triggered a brutal attack on the streets of Buffalo, New York.

Armed with a chunk of concrete, several assailants beat Brian Milligan Jr. on the back of the head on August 18, leaving a 3-inch gash. They kicked him in the face, breaking his jaw.

Bloodied and bruised, the 18-year-old managed to walk five blocks to his grandmother's house before being rushed to the hospital. Milligan's father believes several African-Americans beat his son, who is white, because he is dating an African-American woman.

Mulligan's father wants police to treat the beating as a hate crime. He also has criticized what he calls a deafening silence from the community, police and the national media.

"If this was a black guy who was beaten by a group of white guys for dating a white girl, people would be up in arms," he said. "There's a double standard." Buffalo police believe a group of about 10 to 15 African-American men attacked Milligan late at night, police spokesman Mike DeGeorge said. Police have made no arrests and are still investigating the motive, he said. Milligan Sr. says he believes the attackers are the same "neighborhood guys" who threatened his son and his African-American girlfriend because of their interracial relationship.

The younger Milligan and his girlfriend, Nicola Fletcher, who is also 18, had recently complained of an increase in insults and threats in east Buffalo, where Fletcher lives and where Milligan was staying with his grandmother, Fletcher said.

"Every time they walk the streets, people stop him and call him 'cracker' and ask her why she's not with a black guy," Milligan Sr. said.

This is embarassing as fuck. It kinda pains me that black people feel that since a bunch of fucked-up shit happened to our ancestors and forefathers, we have the right to be complete and total racist assholes. I do know of black dudes that talk about wanting to fuck white women, but when white dudes get black girls, they label her a traitor. Why is that?

I do jokingly announce that it may have something to do with the fact that most white guys get all the hot black chicks while black dudes mainly date mediocre-faced white women. However, this case isn't all about the boy that was attacked, but the father's pleas with the police.

The dad feels this should be classified as a hate crime, and it very well should be. He contests that if this happened to a black man for dating a white woman, it would be all over the news, and this is true. I mean, the girlfriend serves as a witness that they called the guy "cracker" and asked her why she wasn't with a black guy, so that should be proof enough.

I personally believe in actual equality, not that "I like being equal until it benefits me" shit. Affirmative action? Fuck that, no thanks. That whole thing with Sotomayor about throwing out results because no black person passed a firefighter test? Bullshit. I feel that if a black guy can be a victim of a hate crime, so can Asians, whites, Latinos, etc. I mean, seriously, if this isn't proof enough that having a president of color doesn't change shit, then I don't know what does.

The story has touched a nerve with several members of Buffalo's African-American community, including a local pastor who leads a predominantly black church in Buffalo.

"At first, it didn't affect me the way that it would have if I heard it was a black teen attacked," said the Rev. Darius Pridgen, who spent years fighting for civil rights for African-Americans.

"But after I saw his father on TV pleading with the community to find the assailants, I decided I had to go after the people who beat this kid."

Pridgen said he felt that the community has turned a collective blind eye to the beating. So he gave a fire-and-brimstone sermon at the True Baptist Church on a Sunday after the attack, appealing to his congregation to help find the culprits.
"He didn't deserve to be beaten this way," Pridgen recalled saying at the service. "If you believe this, put your hands together."

If it was a black teen, Pridgen said, "We would have been protesting with flags and everything else."

Rod Watson also addressed the issue in his column in the Buffalo News. Watson, who is black, pointed out that interracial marriages are nearly 10 times higher than they were in 1960, according to U.S. Census data, but still those couples have a tough time being accepted by society.

"If blacks in Buffalo in 2009 are acting like whites in Selma in 1959, this society has big problems, despite electing a president who is himself the product of an interracial union," Watson said.

Judy Milligan, a community activist and Brian Milligan Jr.'s great-aunt, said she has been overwhelmed with support from her friends, both black and white.
Mary Woods, a member of Buffalo's African-American community, reached out to Milligan to offer her support.

"I don't care what color you are, when something like this happens, justice must be served," Woods said. "There had to be someone who saw something, and they should come forward."

Milligan Sr. has criticized the Buffalo Police Department for spending too much time "trying to prove this crime wasn't a hate crime instead of performing a solid investigation."

I actually hope that when these motherfuckers go to jail that the Aryan nation proceeds to rape and beat them on the regular.

Avatar: The Last Crack Dealer

2009-09-08T16:44:00.000-07:00

Avatar: The Last Crack Dealer

You should watch it because it's funny and I don't post not funny videos.

The Return of What Me and My Brother Talk About on the Phone (Featuring Martian Lewis)

2009-09-06T20:42:00.000-07:00

Me: Niggas shooting behind my house

Tim: Word?

Me: Or shooting fireworks. Either way it's not cool.

*************************************************************************

Me: Yo, you find the cat, yo?

Terrell: (Unintelligible whispering)

Tim: . . . You making cat noises, yo?

*************************************************************************

Terrell: GO, GO, GO!

Me: LMFAO, did you just do a sting operation on the cat?

Tim: He going Metal Gear Solid on the cat.

Terrell: I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM!

*************************************************************************

Tim: What was that?

Terrell: The microwave.

Me: I thought you were about to bomb the cat.

**************************************************************************

Tim: She started calling him Captain Hook.

Me: Wait, why?

Tim: Because his thing curvy.

Me: Ah. . .

***************************************************************************

Tim: Was she even pretty?

Me: Yo, she looked like a squid, yo.

***************************************************************************

Terrell: You the one that was wasting time, but I got the pussy.

Me: You know, in retrospect, I'm kinda glad I didn't beat. I mean, it did turn out she was 12 and shit. You did it to the dirty girl.

****************************************************************************

Terrell: When Mama Mary go to West Virginia?

Me: Today!

Terrell: Why?

Me: To see Aunt Mary!

Terrell: I didn't know Aunt Mary was in West Virginia!

Me: What the fuck, she lives there!

**************************************************************************

Me: Yo, this might sound gross and sick, but yo. . . this girl came into my job. She was like 9, but she had a really nice ass.

Terrell: Yo a pedophile!

Tim: 9, though.

Me: Stop judging me.

**************************************************************************

Terrell: No, Eric brought us the sober monster! Ahhhhhhhh!

Me: Nigga, you tripping.

**************************************************************************

Me: Yo, it's this one song, "Got Caught Dealing". Yo, it reminds me of Foghorn Leghorn. It's like, "What the fuck made Pharrell think this shit is banging?"

**************************************************************************

Me: You're thinking oooooof Sharniece

Terrell: I remember her.

Me: Yeah, she used to let us fondle her tits on the playground.

**************************************************************************

Terrell: (talking to cousin) Somebody get that umbrella off the floor. I keep thinking it's the cat.

**************************************************************************

Terrell: Yo, that's not funny, yo. That cat ain't no joke, yo. Me and the cat was fighting last night.

*************************************************************************

Tim: Her eyebrows thick as shit, though.

Me: They look like parentheses.

*************************************************************************

Tim: Yo, he was just like, nah, yo. . . I'm not even gonna say it.

Me: I just admitted I checked out a 9 year old, I'm sure pretty much anything is up for discussion.

*************************************************************************

Terrell: 9, though?

Me: You know what they say: If she knows her ABC's, she can get on me.

*************************************************************************

Me: Okay, whatever, she was 9. Hey, it could've been worse. Like, at least I didn't get an erection.

************************************************************************

Me: She didn't come out and say he took it in the butt. She said they spent a night over each others' houses a lot and I refuse to believe they spent nights with each other being gay and didn't do anything to each others' anuses.

************************************************************************

Me: (talking about Tim) Whole time he look like Uncle Phil when he be throwing Jazzy Jeff out the house.

Terrell: Whole time he dress like Jazzy Jeff though.

**********************************************************************

Terrell: Whole time, Tim look like a fat Wale.

Tim: Whole time, you look Amber Rose

***********************************************************************

Maybe Because My Talent Got Em Feeling So Inadequate

2009-08-29T15:14:00.000-07:00

-

- That's the Jeezy loving skank that Illseed is promoting. I'll let you form your own opinions, but I'm just going to say I wouldn't have posted the picture if I thought she was pretty.

- I'm not saying people shouldn't listen to Young Jeezy, I mean, shit, I listen to some Jeezy from time to time. However, saying that Jeezy is one of the nicest rappers rapping? How would you feel if somebody walked up to you like "You know who's a great fucking actor? Nicholas Cage" or "You know what team is going to go to the Super Bowl this year? The Kansas City Chiefs".

- Yo, what's this about Omarion getting dropped from Cash Money already? That was fast.

- I'm mad that people in Cash Money are acting like signing Bow Wow is a big deal. Check this out, Bow Wow's fall off took a drastic increase in speed after "Let Me Hold You", when he had beads in his hair. Bow Wow is tired now. People can say that at least people are talking about it, but let's be honest, no one's gonna care when his album comes out.

- That "Forever" song? Didn't really care for it. I mean, I like the whole "supertracks" where four popular rappers get on a track and shit, but now they're just becoming overhyped. Especially if it features Kanye or Lil Wayne.

- Why did my job get dehumidified? They had big ass generators outside sucking out the "moist" air and pushing hot air into the building because there was some mold downstairs allegedly.

- Now how the fuck did this get done so fast, but we still don't have working air?

- Oh, because some corporate higher-up said that "air conditioning is a luxury".

- Dick's Sporting Goods has air conditioning. Wegman's has fucking air conditioning. Motherfucking CHIPOTLE HAS AIR CONDITIONING.

- Sears Hunt Valley in Cockeysville, Maryland is petty.

- Yeah, I said it.

I'm a Fucking Animal with the Verbs and Nouns

2009-08-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

-

- I've been looking for that song for like two months.

- Well, looking means trying to remember the rest of the song by thinking of the chorus over and over again.

- I'm reading a new nigga novel called "Dogism".

- I thought that after reading "The Cake Man" (which is possibly the worst nigga novel ever written), this shit would be like Catcher in the Rye or some shit.

- It's not.

- Yo, it's hot as shit up my job. These douchebags claim that the air conditioning isn't working. I think they just aren't turning it on to save money. Maybe four days out of this entire summer the air conditioner worked.

- Sweaty MILFS are hot.

- This slutbucket on Allhiphop called "Miss Mouth" (slut name) said that Young Jeezy is the greatest rapper alive.

- I honestly believe people deserve to die for comments like that.

- Saying some shit like Young Jeezy or Lil Boosie are great rappers and shit is seriously considered a stupid and friendship-ending comment.

- Now I'm just listening to Anita Baker on youtube.

- Anita Baker is awesome.

-

- What, you thought he was gone?

The Nigga Novel Review: The Cake Man

2009-08-21T10:09:00.000-07:00

Maaaaaaan, I've been wondering for a while, "What could I do to make my blog interesting again? All I've been doing is posting pictures and talk about dumbshit." Well, I was reading a "nigga novel" my mother borrowed from someone called "The Cake Man". When I first read the title, I was thinking "This. . . won't end well."

So, I proceeded to read "the Cake Man" and as I read this book, I thought "Wow, this is fucking terrible. I should blog about this."

Here I am.

Well, as I've mentioned multiple times, the book is called "The Cake Man" by Gregory Dixon. Now, it's about a young man named Chris King. His father, Big George, is a drug dealer. It's a nigga novel, everyone knows there has to be at least two drug dealers in it. So, shit happens and eventually Chris' dad ends up going to jail because a rival dealer snitched on him. This ~~forces him~~ causes him to decide he wants to be a street pharmacist like his dear old dad.

So, there is another character they introduce in the beginning named Ali. He's the guy that snitched on George, so he's easily pushed into the important role of "evil drug dealer villain". What could anyone possibly due to make Ali a more heinous character? I know, let's make him rape a woman ten pages into the book.

Not only does he viciously rape this woman, but it seems that Gregory tried to make it sound erotic, also.

Without further hesitation, he slammed into her with only slight resistance, Yvonne's wet pussy accepted his whole length. The orgasm hit her full strength. She screamed and rocked her body, as the spasms gripped her. Finally, satiated, her body went limp.

In the author and poor Yvonne's defense, she was drugged up all the way. However, the point of writing a rape scene is not to make it sound less rape-y. Oh, but Ali sure gets his comeuppance ten pages later. The author gives him a piece of his mind, stating:

Underneath all the bluster and bullshit, he was like any bully and rapist, a coward when it came right down to it, so he'd sold his boys that tough-thug bullshit, which had come back to bite him in the ass.

YEAH, ALI! YOU BIG MEANIE. YOU DOO-DOO HEAD. Seriously, though, I don't write books, but I think it's kind of tasteless to insult your own characters (unless it's in song, like the song from the Grinch). As the author, you should know how to make your characters unlikeable enough that the reader can create their own terrible opinions about a person that's not real.

Wait, I have to talk about one of my favorite parts. Now, young Chris King starts selling drugs because his mom is like "Fuck it, though. Go for it." One night, he's working the block and gets shot at by some niggas, so he flees to a friend of his' house. This is where Jasmine is introduced. She proceeds to help him out, taking care of the cut on his leg that he received from a fence while escaping gunfire. Then, this happened.

My dick started to get hard and, wouldn't you know it, the damned thing popped through the opening in my shorts. Her eyes got big. "Damn, that's a big one. I ain't no virgin or nothing, but I only seen a couple, and they was nowhere near that big." . . . She came around and knelt between my legs. Working the shaft with both hands, she took the crown in her mouth and bobbed her head up and down, sucking gently. It felt like heaven.

That's right, we met the broad two pages ago and she's already sucking the main character's dick. Maybe it's just me, but this shit tripped me the fuck out. Maybe this is Gender and Women's Studies: Women and Race in the Media talking, but the fact that two women (Wait, three. I didn't mention that there was a sex scene between Big George and his wife) were introduced and immediately had a penis inserted into their bodies kind of rings alarms. I'd also like to ask, ladies, if you were helping a man with a leg wound, would you stop in the middle to suck his dick?

I'd also like to add that when the book starts off, he is nineteen years old. Then, at the beginning of chapter four, it says "fourteen months later. . . " and there's a sentence that says "These days, the only way a nineteen-year-old brother with no job. . . ". Why the fuck is he still nineteen?

Back to the story though. So of course Jasmine ends up becoming the love interest. Might I add that she didn't have sex with him for a while, citing the need for it to "be special". I don't see exactly how special sex can be after you just gave a man a blowjob while tending to a gash in his leg. That's some Texts From Last Night shit.

We're also eventually introduced to Vic, Chris' cousin and Chenise, Jasmine's sister. We're introduced to Chenise when Chris gropes her from the back, confusing her for her sister (See? We can't meet a single female in this book without something sexual happening within five pages.) A bunch of shit happens, they rob a truck with medical coke on it or some shit, then they kill some Mexicans in a house to work for kingpin, you know, a bunch of Grand Theft Auto shit. Eventually, due to Chris being a man, he cheats on Jasmine, she gets mad, he has to clear his mind, so what does he do? He goes to Mississippi to see his grandmother on a soul-searching trip.

She tells him some shit about David beating Goliath and becoming king and being greedy, etc. etc. It's unfortunate that he drove to Mississippi from Texas just to hear a bible story he could have read on the internet. Whatever, he comes back to Texas, but of course some shit happened while he was gone.

Ali (the big bully) tried to book Jasmine and failed miserably, leading to a bunch of guns being put in his face. As a result, he contemplates a plan and goes to the guy Vic's club opening. Chenise and Vic have a small argument and Chenise figures she'd get him back by hanging with some random niggas (foreshadowing like a bitch) Ali ends up getting Chenise, confusing her with her sister like Chris did, and proceeds to rape the SHIT out of her. Now, she's in the hospital, Chris comes back, they set up a revenge attack, they attack, no one survives.

But wait, Chris is chilling at home with his mom and Jasmine and then guess who pops up at the door? Ali (fucking coward) and his right-hand man Chino, battle-worn and bruised, armed with guns. So, Ali tells everyone that he's going to rob them and rape Chris' mom in the process. He sends Chino upstairs to get the drugs and money and Jasmine's all like "take me instead" and shit. So, she proceeds to walk in front of Ali and drop her bath robe (in front of Chris' mom, no less) and gets down on her knees. Fortunately, soon as she does, Big George lifts Ali by his neck, which somehow gives Chris the cue to run up and uppercut Ali in the nutsack. Yes, Big George ended up being the deus ex machina, saving everyone from evil Ali. George then proceeds to snap Ali's neck, like a small puppy. Oh, and they blew Chino's brains out when he came down the steps.

No one gets in trouble, no one goes to jail, we're all happy.

I'm not, that book sucked.

HUGE THUMBTACKS

2009-08-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

- I'm an asshole.

- Maaaan, I had to wear some tight pants at work today. I was trying to surprise one of my co-workers and when I crouched under an obstacle to get to her, my massive man-thighs caused my khakis to give way and produced a vicious rip down the left side of my pants.

- That's embarassing, bitch.

- I had to "store use" some pants, meaning I had to pick some off of the clearance rack.

- I ended up getting these pants that leave me no crotch room and barely fit around my legs.

- It felt like my dick was in jail.

- I need new work pants.

- Yo, we have this customer that comes in all the time that picks a vacuum up for repair and turns one in.

- The vacuum cleaners stay looking like shit when they bring them in.

- It looks like they beat people with them.

- I also got on the bus today and there was a girl who's ass was literally popping out the bottom of her shorts.

- I was infatuated until she got off.

- I also had a girl eyefuck me after I helped her grandparents.

- My job is awesome sometimes.

- She was of age.

Otakon 09 Pictures

2009-08-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

Just a few though. I've been busy doing nothing. Hey, absent helps the heart grow fonder and all that crap. I figured for those of you who don't watch anime or play video games (Who doesn't? No, seriously, who doesn't do either of those?), I'd post who the people are dressing like.

I'll have more pictures later. I could lie and say that I'll post more often, but that would make me a liar. This parenting shit is harder than I thought.

Lazyness

2009-07-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

First off, my son freaks me out.

What normal babies do when you put a bottle on their lips: Open their mouths and drink milk.

What my son does when you put a bottle to his lips: Ravenously attacks the bottle until he feels that it's weak enough for him to prey upon it.

What normal babies do when they spit out milk: Sit there and wait for you to wipe it off.

What my son does when he spits out milk: Proceeds to smear it all over his face.

He might be a reincarnated wolf. Werewolf maybe.

I also saw on Illseed's website (Allhiphop)that someone, since The Game is acting like a forgetful bitch, decided to find all of the instances where The Game shouts out/mentions Jay-Z. I will proceed to copy and paste all 70-something of these Jay-Z mentions.

1. "No beef with Jay" "one blood"

2. "Got a hook from Faith, no verse from Jay

I guess on Westside Story he thought I spit in his face" "Westside Story"

3. "Dre told me he ain't doin "Detox," this his only run

Ma$e comin back, and Hovi done" "No more fun and games"

4 "It's "Me & My Girlfriend" like 2Pac and them

Jay-Z and Beyonce, or Bobby and Whitney "Special"

5. "Rap critics politickin, wanna know the outcome

"Ready to Die" "Reasonable Doubt" and "Doggystyle" in one "Dreams"

6. "Make the club R.O.C. without Timberland boots "Higher"

7."I was gassed up, Murder Inc., Roc-A-Fella passed up"

8. "It took me a little while but I am now understandin

Jay ****ed up in the first round when he picked olowankandi" "Memp Bleek Iz"

9. "Oh, that boy colder than Hova unless he sober" "300 Bars"

10. "And ain't nobody tryin to take Beyonce from Jay

But I know a ***** named Superhead he ****ed back in the day" Wouldnt Get Far"

11."Took you to award shows, there go Jay right there"

"One Night"

12."Bangin "The Black Album," track #1

she like that Jay ****, that's her favorite'' "Around The World"

13. "Behind the back to Nas he alley oop to Jigga" "Why U hate The Game"

14. "Niqqas show me love in the hood like i was HOV down Flushing" "State Yo Name"

15. "The day Jay retire I'ma park next to the throne, in a Maybach on gold wires, yeah "Hands On The Pump"

16. "Cuz he know Jay-Z departed

And these other rap labels know don't feed they artists

Talkin blueprint **** you got three garages

Gettin money off Roc like little E and carter"

17. "And 2Pac was in jail the day you called to hit him up

I wouldn't be outside 40/40 bumpin 'Jigga What'"

18."I'm the king, and you better respect it

All I need is Beyonce, and a Roc-a-fella necklace"

19. "I'm the golden boy, and I'm making Hova noise

Got the whole world clapping, just like the Nolia Boys"

20. "I told 'em bomp, slow down baby

Got to get this **** firm like Foxy, NaS and AZ

She said '**** you,pay me

So I left her in AZ

That's what I get for letting her listen to my Jay-Z"

21. "*****, I'm number one, motherfukka bar none

Who else kick knowlegde outside of Hova and the God Son"

22. "U gon make me/ make Jay lose his cool" "Feel It In The Air"

23. "Too much West coast dikc lickn, remember Jay-Z? "1-800-Homicide"

24. "No Em, no Dre, I'm the hottest since Jay" "Get Up"

25. "Cause I'm the man behind the Roc like Kanye West"

26."A pimp like 50, the niqqa to leave you broke ma

6 in the mornin, you stretchin on the sofa

singin ain't no niqqa like Foxy Brown and Hova" "Compton to Fillmoe"

27. "I'm runnin the ROC, not Jay, Dame Dash of Hoffa" "Jackin 4 Beats"

28. "Who the fuk holdin me? i was just waitin 'til HOVA leave

wit my eyes on the thrown that belong to me" "Round Here Freestyle"

29. "yeah its me and young cass til hov come back" "Aim Ya Gunz"

30. "Throw Jay-z in the pot, mix em with ren

or O.J on the rocks, mix em with gin

whatchu got? the westcoast riding again" "82 Days"

31. "i found out it was a hard knock life without asking Jay" "Duck Down"

32. "Fake king of new york, U aint Jay z" "soundscan"

33. "Me, Em and 50 racin' this rap siht is basic I followed that Jay siht" "We Aint"

34. "The kings comin', no I'm not Jay-Z" "One Blood Remix"

35. "Not the rap martyr, or the second rap Carter" "for My gangstaz"

36. "niqqa I'm about a dollar, what the fuk is 50 Cent?

When Jay said it, I didn't know what it meant" "100 Bars"

37. "used to push that rock like Jay Hov" "Red Bandana"

38. "then this marcy-project niqqa came and stole the crown" "Im a soldier"

39. "But Kanye and Hova killed it without a doubt" "Just a lil Bit freestyle"

40. "Who had the hottest chick in the game, wearin they chain

Mr. H to the Izzo, Nas and Hurricane" "too Much"

41. " cuz ain't nobody movin units but Jay, pimp Juice and Us" - Down 4 my *****s freestyle

43. "I used to have visions of retiring like Jigga" "Du Rags

44. "He in a vest with a hoodrat from Marcy with a tattoo of Jay-Z name on her chest" "Its So Hard"

45. "Im classic like Detox & Blueprint 2" "Get Yo Money"

46."Yall thought it was over when Hova retired" "Get Yo Money"

47. "Make the world feel like the niqqas before 2pac Shakur Christopher Wallace & Shawn Corey" "Dont Push Me..."

48. "... He aint teach Jigga how to rhyme" "Juice freestyle"

49. "Im going to same place Jay-z went Fredrico & Pico" "100 Bars"

50. "Hov retired but Compton still pushin Roc" "On & On"

51. "I came to see chicks shake they ass like Beyonce so let me be Hov 4 a min."

52. "All I gotta do is hit her wit a Jay-Z line like u deserve to be my sunshine"

53. "Biggie Smalls is the illest so is pac Jay retired i wonder if nas gon drop" "Unbeliveable freestyle"

54. "i kno they sayin y u gotta mention Jay" "State Yo Name"

55. "First Jay & Beyonce then Nas & Kelis" "A Week Ago Part 2"

56."u 36 And U Still Rappin Uhh, Im 26 And Homie So Iz Da Dubz" "one Blood"

57."So I reconciled my differences like he did with Jigga" Game on 'Hustlers'

58. "Im ready to die Without a reasonable doubt" "The Documentary"

59. "In '99 i studied +The Chronic+ inside out,

a Doggystyle for breakfast, lunch was Reasonable Doubt " "im A Soldier freestyle"

60. "Shouldnt been influenced by Calvin Broadus, Nasir Jones & Shawn Corey" "Pain In My Life Remix"

61. Yo Jay what it do niqqa, i done rocked enough fellas,to be u niqqa,i got the 40/40,they my 2 jigga's"

62. The word n!gger, is nothing like *****

Don't sound **** alike, like Game like Jigga

63."I was more hood then suge, had more rocs then Jay

more scars on my face then the original scarface, or the homeboy scarface."

64. "i need more than 60 seconds i aint Hov"

- Hot 2Nite (Remix)

65."Moved out the hood, changed her name to Jay"

66. "He ain't Nas, ain't B.I.G., ain't Jigga" 300 bars

67. ""Pushing the rock, nah this ain't no subliminal Jay

The summer too hot, and I want the winter to stay" Dear Summer

68.""I'm fly like a Hummingbird on a tree top

The new Hov, the new B.I.G., the new 'Pac, I need three spots"

69. ""Ask a Jay-Z fan about Big Daddy Kane, don't know em, Game gon show em" - Games Pain

70. ""She call me Jay I call her B we getting married to the streets" - Camera Phone

71. ""The kings coming, no i'm not Jay-z/ too many *****s hate me, but they scared to face me" 1 blood remix

72. "So I reconciled my differences like he did with Jigga" Make The World Go Round

73. ""I hear the crowd callin my name Game, Game

but i'm not one so don't try to play me

and this goes from Gucci Mane to Jay-Z" - Laugh

74."hip hop is soft since the Roc-A-Fella break up/and i don't do subliminals I just pick Jay up" - Walk in the streets

75."I'm that six figga *****/who got the word from KRS-One and stole the Blueprint from Jigga" - Feels Good

76."They say at Summer Jam i turned it out/but Kanye and Hova killed it without a doubt" - Just a lil bit (G-Unit Diss)

77.""We on that same elevator goin down, Dodger fitted got that Hova lean so they don't notice me" - Down & Out (mixtape version)"

Yeah, yeah, I'll be original later.

My Favorite Pictures So Far

2009-07-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

Rootin, Tootin, Bootin

2009-07-13T22:54:00.001-07:00

I just fucking love the screen capture of my face.

Rooting Tooting Booting from Eric Richardson on Vimeo.

Proof That I Do Anything For the People That Read My Blog

2009-07-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

I've been wondering "Hey, what's so great about this Tiny & Toya show?" so I decided to watch the preview on youtube and commentate on what exactly is going on.

*sigh*

0:15 - Wait, Toya is "not over Wayne"? What is so great about this nigga? He looks like a frog's thigh and he's gotten like thirteen other broads pregnant. I must meet this guy. His personality must be super radiant.

0:20 - I can already tell I'm not going to like Tiny. Her voice is like eating a handful of wasabi. If you've ever had wasabi, then you know that shit is fatal.

0:29 - No, she doesn't need to sing. I don't even remember her ever singing when she was with Xscape. Lawl, Xscape. They're so irrelevant now.

0:35 - Wait, she's not over Lil Wayne, but she's telling her own mother she needs to get her shit together? Sounds like she has a bad case of bossy hypocrite.

0:49 - "You get back wit ma daddy Imma get back wit Wayne". Yo, I can see this show is going to be pathetic. I feel like I'm going to vomit out of my lungs.

1:13 - I don't get how Tiny's voice sounds better on the voice-overs. Maybe seeing her unattractive face move with the words make it worse.

1:21 - I swear on my life, if BET didn't give this scummycoochie a show, I would not have known she had Lil Wayne's kid.

1:27 - Where'd she get a lot of love and fame from? I don't know that bitch! At least they mention Tiny in the media every now and again. Lil Wayne goes through broads like cereal, so I didn't know anyone existed before Nivea.

2:36 - Wait, Tiny wrote "No Scrubs"? Wow. Wow.

4:24 - This Toya chick has it bad. She is way too hot to still be stressing over Dwayne Carter, who has since moved on and got around twenty women pregnant.

4:43 - Tiny is so buckethead it's insane.

5:00 - Geeking off of the knock-off version of the "Flipside" beat they are playing right now.

5:12 - Wow, Lil Wayne's mother is on here, too? I'm not surprised because your bond is stronger with a chick your son had his first child with rather than, say Lauren London. I've never liked Lauren London for some reason.

7:06 - Yo, they are country as shit. I swear while I was listening to Toya talk, one of my eyes went lazy.

7:43 - Toya's daughter speaks better than her. I don't know if that hurts my heart or makes me happier for the child.

8:35 - Tiny's voice. . .

9:33 - "Peesh" Instead of saying "peace", Tiny says "peesh". Is she doing that shit on purpose?

I'm not. . . I refuse to watch the second part right now. Just for suffering through this shit for you people, I give you this:

Sleep well.

Hating is a Lie

2009-07-05T20:11:00.000-07:00

One thing I've been unfortunate enough to grow up to watch is the deterioration of the word "hating". The phrases "hating" and "hater" have gone the way of the term "ignorant".

Ignorant is in no way synonymous with stupidity, but it has grown to seem that way, and has been used by actual ignorant people to call other people. Let me go off of the hating rant real quick to explain the difference between stupidity and ignorance.

If someone knocks on your door and you go downstairs and open it and you get hit in the face with a hammer, that's ignorance. You didn't know the motherfucker was outside of your door with a hammer.

Now, if someone knocks on the door and you look out the window and someone yells "I'm going to hit you in your fucking face with this hammer" and you go open the door anyway, that's stupid.

Now, the word "hater" is becoming just like that. Back in the late 90's when the word gained popularity, it was coined to describe a jealous person. A person with no life outside of disliking someone doing better than them. It's not possible to hate on someone doing worse than you, which I'll get to in a minute. These people can't go a single day without mentioning the object of their envy and deny that they're obsessed with disliking this person.

Nowadays, a "hater" is simply someone with a negative opinion, which has got to be some of the pussiest shit I've ever heard.

Seriously, in hip-hop's heyday, which I would say was back in the early 90's, if someone said you sucked, you most likely sucked, or you would prove that you don't suck. Presently, if someone says you suck, they're hating because you have money, or bitches, or a record deal, or a new pair of shoes.

Suddenly, fans of rap music have taken on this "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" mentality that is quite simply pussytastic to say the least. I mean, what kind of soft-skinned whore can't take criticism?

I most recently watched this fiasco take place on Charles Hamilton's blog. After his numerous career faux-pas, (how do I make that plural?)he ridicules his detractors by calling them "hating queers", etc, etc.

Why must someone be hating on you because you're a fuck up? If people don't like you because you're a fucking moron, you can't say they're hating. Maybe you should re-evaluate the moves you are a making.

Another trend I've noticed is that having haters makes you cool. Apparently, if you have "haters", you're on the right path. I'd have to say you're not. First and foremost, where I'm from, if someone is hating on you, you can't wave at them and say "hi". Haters in Baltimore rob and kill people. If someone sees you flashing your jewelry like a dipshit and talking about your money, you won't make it home with that jewelry and/or money. All of this "Hi Hater" and "big up to all my haters" shit is getting people murdered.

This also turns up on myspace with 14-year-old cunts claiming that they have haters and that their haters motivate them. No one is hating on you if your mom pays your phone bill and still buys your clothes, I can assure you. Matter of fact, here's a checklist of whether or not you could possibly be worth hating on.

1. Do you have your own house? Y N

2. Do you have your own car? Y N

3. Are you attractive? Y N

4. Are you in a gang? Y N (If you said yes, nodamnbody is hating on you)

5. Are you under 18? Y N

6. Have you finished high school? Y N

7. Do you come into contact with famous people? Y N

8. Have you repeated grades? Y N

9. Do you take social networking sites seriously? Y N

10. Do you even plan on doing anything with your life? Y N

Answers are:

1. Y
2. Y
3. Y
4. N
5. N
6. Y
7. N
8. N
9. N
10. Y

If you scored under a 60, congratulations, you're the kind of person that could not possibly be hated on by any person anywhere, so please shut up. There's a difference between someone not liking someone and someone hating on someone, let me give you an example.

Lame guy: Yo, you listen to Gucci Mane?
Smart dude: No, that nigga is trash.

See? He just doesn't like Gucci Mane.

Lame guy: Yo, I'm about to take out the trash.
Hater dude: Like that nigga Gucci Mane. That nigga is trash.

Notice how hater dude just randomly brought up homeboy out of nowhere? If someone brings up someone in a negative light for no particular reason except to just voice their disdain for them, they are possibly a hater. It's that easy to point them out.

DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL

2009-07-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

I miss Tourette's Guy.

Half of Him Used to Be in My Scrotum

2009-07-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

- He's sitting in my lap as I type.

- He should be doing 40 words per minute by the time he's five.

- I expect great things from him.

- or I'm going to be "mad, real mad, Joe Jackson"

- No, seriously, he moves his neck already.

- He eats like a baby elephant. He's like Unicron Jr.

- If you don't know who Unicron is, then you won't like me.

- So far, we know he likes N*E*R*D and Jill Scott.

- All he pretty much does his literally, eat, sleep, and shit, with short bouts of exercise when he keeps his eyes open. That's why we call him Snorlax.

- Jasmine calls him Fidget because he. . . fidgets.

- My grandmothers call him Tre. For three.

- c h njkjn

- I just ~~made~~ let him type.

- He's adorable.

- I don't know if those are fireworks or gunshots, but if it's the latter, niggas must be playing real-life Doom outside.

Introducing. . .

2009-07-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

Eric Richardson the 3rd

a.k.a

E3

a.k.a

Thor

a.k.a

Snorlax

a.k.a

Tre

a.k.a

Sneezy F. Baby

a.k.a

Fidget

I'll have stories for the nicknames later, but for now, baby pictures.

In other news, I think there is a bug in my foot. No, for real. I seriously think something is crawling around inside my foot. Like on the Mummy.

Scummy Coochie

2009-06-22T16:17:00.000-07:00

- My internet is down and I'm losing my patience with Verizon for not fixing this shit automatically.

- It's so slow at work it doesn't make sense. It's like the zombie apocalypse today.

- I helped a couple that was expecting earlier and they gave up fucking with (insert company I work for name here) to go to (insert competing store's name here).

- I had to sign an online thing saying I can't talk about my job on the internet, so that's all you get to know.

- Well, I told them I shop at (insert competing store's name here) too and I would recommend it.

- It's sad when you recommend other stores to people while you're helping them, but it's true. Target is whooping everyone's ass.

- Whoops.

- Ordered a crib from Wal-Mart.

- My mom is going to order UFC 100 for me for Father's Day.

- Brock Lesnar is going to fuck Frank Mir up.

- I feel like I'm going through internet withdrawal.

- I feel like I lost touch with reality.

- When did Perez Hilton get beat up by Will-I-Am?

- Jeezy and Gucci still beefing? But they both can't rap.

- SOMEBODY POSTED KYLA PRATT AND MEAGAN GOOD'S NUMBER ON TWITTER AND I MISSED IT!?

- Fuck my life.

- Yo, I found out two of my co-workers are fuc-. . . Doing stuff to each other.

- They're both girls.

- I can't access my "SO MUCH WIN" picture from photobucket.

- Angry baby face.

Technical Difficulties

2009-06-20T16:06:00.000-07:00

Internet is down.

Life losing meaning.

Baby Shower Pictures

2009-06-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

Jasmine's going to complain about this picture, but she can do that on her own blog.

My mom came up with the idea for the two babies and the little stuff around them. I'm just glad the cake survived long enough to get there.

That's my cousin Brandon.

I was barely there 10 minutes and I got a stain on my shirt.

3 girls, 1 baby

Terrell and our father's mom.

That's my mom, my aunt Nita (in unseen part of the picture) and Jasmine's aunts Tina and Debbie.

That's my dad and my grandmother, Mary.

My grandma Beverly, my mom and Mama Mary. That's Alicia in the back there.

That's it. Be happy until the baby's born.

Intermission

2009-06-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why, but this picture is just really funny for some reason. Maybe it's the ominous gangbanger palming her ass, I don't know. It looks like the cover to some low budget porno movie.

"Bloods Banging Big Black Bitches"

He Got Us

2009-06-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

- So, funny story, right. . . the baby isn't coming yet. Somehow the amniotic sac leaked and then it resealed itself, so we're playing the waiting game again. I know, right?

- I'm not even going to speak on the Charles Hamilton thing anymore. Like, it's a pattern with this dude. He has an algorithm that goes likes this:

1. Bad shit happens
2. He makes it worse
3. He plays the victim and either claims it's a misunderstanding or the person "antagonizing" him is out to get him
4. He discusses it with his "starchasers" who couldn't be more happy to snuggle with his scrotum
5. Not do shit for a while
6. Repeat

Let's give it up for Charles, everyone. He's rap music's biggest troll.

This is from Urban Dictionary:

Troll - One who purposely and deliberately (that purpose usually being self-amusement) starts an argument in a manner which attacks others on a forum without in any way listening to the arguments proposed by his or her peers. He will spark such an argument via the use of ad hominem attacks (i.e. 'you're nothing but a fanboy' is a popular phrase) with no substance or relevence to back them up as well as straw man arguments, which he uses to simply avoid addressing the essence of the issue.

I've come to the conclusion this nigga has a psychological disorder. If anything, it seems like schizotypal personality disorder. I really feel bad for this crazy guy.

- They put Final Fantasy VII on the PSN for $9.99 and I don't think a lot of people realize how great that is. A few months ago I was trying to help my friend look for it and that shit was on amazon for around $80. I saw it for 20, but that was one disc. So, yeah, awesome.

- Since the baby isn't here yet, there won't be any freaking out over him being at the baby shower. Still need to change my room around. Don't know exactly how I'm going to do that and not have me or him under the air conditioner, though.

- As a result of him not coming out, we totally spent a night in a hospital for nothing.

- 810, I got you. Seriously.

- Totally gonna do another post on rappers/producers/musicians that I think don't get enough shine.

- But I'm getting ready for E3. Jasmine's mom was going to nickname him Thor since he was almost born during a thunderstorm, but he wasn't. Oh well.

- Our friend Jamie doesn't know who Thor is. That's bad.

-

- That's Jamie. She's white.

- My blog has been getting boring. Go ahead, you can say it.

Baby in transit

2009-06-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

I totally have some shit I want to talk about.

I'm going to leave it at that, being that my friends often associate me with this nigga. See you when E3 gets here!

E3 is my son's nickname, by the way.

Could You Try Not Being So Cunty?

2009-06-05T22:56:00.000-07:00

It takes a little while to build up, but it starts getting hilarious at, like, 45 seconds.

My Thoughts on E3 (Well, the first two days, at least)

2009-06-02T16:13:00.000-07:00

Microsoft

I honestly didn't see the presser, but all I'm hearing about is "Project Natal". Check this out, fanboys:

That "Oh, it's better than the Wii because you don't need a controller" shit won't work.

1. The Playstation Eye does that same fucking thing.

2. Microsoft wouldn't have done this if the Wii wasn't so successful. Same thing with Sony, but I'll get to them later.

I'm not saying Natal isn't a good idea, just that acting like it's the most innovative thing since the Fleshlight is completely wrong.

I vowed that if Project Natal actually works well and is extra awesome like everyone pretends it will be, then I may spend my own money on a 360. That's because I know this motion-controlled interface theory isn't going to be that great. People thought the same thing with the Wii and now most of the people that own them don't even play them anymore.

I hear they announced Left 4 Dead 2 and Metal Gear Rising. Those are games I'll be looking out for, although I don't think MGR will be that great.

Nintendo

I don't even want to talk about their conference. Let me shorten it for you.

Super Mario Galaxy 2
Metroid: The Other M

That's the good shit. All I have to say to help you invision how terrible their presser was is "vitality sensor". Yes, a thing that monitors your pulse through your fucking finger.

Metroid: the Other M looks hot. I thought it was just a new Metroid Prime, but it's actually being created by Team Ninja and it's going to include third player elements. From what I saw of the trailer, I would be interested in purchasing if it wasn't on an unfortunate system.

You know what pissed me off? They talked about connecting the "casual gamers" and the "highly-skilled(see hardcore) gamers" and then mentioned the vitality sensor. I want to punch Iwata in his mouth.

I feel bad for Nintendo fanboys. It's like an abusive relationship. They mostly get treated like shit every E3, but Nintendo will throw in some "okay" shit.

Nintendo: "I know I've been treating you bad, but look, baby, look. . . Metroid The Other M! I promise I'll be better baby"
Poor bastard: "You said that last year. . . "
Nintendo: "Microsoft and Sony can't do for you what I do for you. You nothing without me."
Poor bastard: "I know"
Nintendo: "You better take that fucking Metroid and those two Marios and be happy. All the shit I've done for you"

Sony

Yeah, the one I was rooting for. They showed gameplay for MAG which I was not that impressed by. Uncharted 2 looks hot. Token action/adventure/platformer/shooter.

What I feel gave Sony the edge over the other two was the Final Fantasy XIV surprise, for one. First off, I do not want it. Final Fantasy XI was an online Final Fantasy and I'm not hearing good things about it. However, this was because it was released when the PS2 tried to go 0-online in seven seconds. Hopefully in this age where everyone is online it may do better.

Second was the showing of GT5 on PSP/PS3. No, I'm not buying it because doing a 300 lap race doesn't exactly give me a boner, but everyone else does.

They showed their answer to the Wii and Natal which was basically their own little motion-sensing project. First off, this edged off Natal because there was an actual demo. Surely fanboys are going to argue about what's better and completely oust the Wii, being that their sales have lapped Sony and Microsoft twice. While the demo is impressive, I'm not quite sold. The Playstation Eye got no love whatsoever after Eye of Judgment went stale, so I don't know if I should waste my money on another peripheral that copies another game system.

Nothing else really worth talking about for Sony.

As far as consoles are concerd, you know who won? The gaming public. Well, not Nintendo's. I feel sorry for them.

Oh, Shit. Let Me Call You Back. There's a Hamburger in my Pocket

2009-05-30T17:57:00.000-07:00

- I'm looking at the video for "You're a Jerk". Yo, that shit is so sad.

- These niggas buy women's jeans from Hot Topic.

- Checkered blue and black squares? Zebra Print?

- Is this better or worse than what Spectacular did.

- Speaking of which, a lot of women are flipping shits about how everyone's making a big deal out of whether he's gay or not and it's 2009 and people need to grow up.

- I can't speak for everyone else, but I don't care if he's gay. I just want him to come out the closet. If he just says "Alright, I love the feel of man ass on my cock", everyone will leave him alone and forget about him like Lance Bass.

- Please don't let this Jerkin shit catch on in Baltimore.

- The youth in Baltimore are so weak-minded. Look at the boost in gang members.

- It's Lil Wayne's fault.

- I want to do a post about sex, but I can't think of more topics.

- Oh, look, a new PSP.

- Will I buy it?

- I need more consumer penis stroking before I consider it. Consider me aroused though.

- I shouldn't have to pause that metaphor. I'm talking about a video game system without a gender.

- Fuck you.

- Advice Dog says:

"I'm going to go LP LP --> LK HP some pussy, if you know what I mean"

2009-05-29T06:30:00.000-07:00

- Non-Street Fighter fans need not apply.

- So, they're making a DJ Hero game if you didn't hear about it.

- It has Daft Punk.

-

- I also saw this picture, where-in-which I have (Is that how you type it? Where-in-which?) put a red circle on the important thing.

-

-

- I was reading Texts From Last Night when I saw this:

omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.

- She should probably go to the hospital. Then again, I've never had my vagina ripped, so I wouldn't know how one goes about dealing with that.

- Some guy in the comments proceeded to say it was fake because women never talk like that.

- There is no faster way to announce that you don't get any poontang than to say some shit like that.

- Every woman I know is just as disgusing as a man, if not more so.

-

- Talking to those four is like talking to guys, except from a perspective on the other side of the penis.

- I'm not giving names, because some of you dudes are weird.

- The third one has a Hugh Jazz.

-

- (617): Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased

- That's from Texts from Last Night, too. I thought that was funny.

- Advice Dog says:

This is Getting Really Fucking Old

2009-05-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

Look, check this out. I'm starting to get annoyed with the multitude of dipshits, retards and D.E.C. students who are saying that Lil Wayne is, in fact, the best rapper alive.

First off, let me explain to you assclowns the difference between facts and opinions.

Fact (n.) - An objective consensus on a fundamental reality that has been agreed upon by a substantial number of people.

Opinion (n.) - A thought that a person has formed about a topic or issue.

Let me give you an example:

Opinion - "Lil Wayne is the best rapper alive!"

Fact - "No one that says 'I'm rare like Mr. Clean with hair' can be the best rapper alive."

It confounds me painfully that Lil Wayne dickriders are the main ones that want to argue about Lil Wayne's relevance in hip-hop, yet they can't formulate a good argument. I'm a logical person. If I can find "logic" on facebook, I'd become a fan of it. If you can give me an actual good argument on why something is so, I may respect you as a person. Here's a list of illogical things that Lil Wayne's cockjockers use when arguing about how good he is:

1. His sales and marketing ability. This has nothing to do with how good he is as a rapper. Let me extend this. People tend to say shit like "Well, he sells well so apparently he's good". No. It is a fact that humans make stupid choices. One of the stupid choices that a lot of people make is their music. Just because a dude sells one million copies doesn't mean that he's good. Just because someone only sells 50,000 copies doesn't meant that they're bad. Especially not in the age of free downloads. Not to take anything away from Dwayne Carter, but a platinum plaque doesn't mean you're great. Especially when most of your fans are teenage girls that religiously watch Super Sweet Sixteen and The Hills and teenage internet thugs and wiggas who threaten to shoot people on youtube.

2. How many "haters" he has. That is just fucking stupid. Fuck you if you actually use this.

3. Him saying he's the best rapper alive.

A lot of you weak minded fools decided he must be the best rapper alive if he says it three times a song. I say you go kill yourself.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't hate him. I rarely bring him up in conversation since I don't really pay attention to people that say "I'm fly go hard like geese erection". However, I feel that Lil Wayne's massive amount of sackhangers are the scum of the earth, down there with the Ku Klux Klan and people that think "monkeys" is actually "monkies".

I, fortunately, don't have haters since I'm a likable person, but if anyone feels the need to defend Lil Wayne, I'll do it for them.

"Wut iisz u takken boWt ll wain iiz duh bess n u juz a hater (they always spell hater right) u nEeD 2 qit off hiz diick. u ned 2 qet a lif bcuz u will neva m4k3 az much m0ni3z as he doo"

After you read this, can you please link any Lil Wayne dickrider you know to this? We need a widespread dumbass intervention.

EDIT:

I feel I need to elaborate more as not offend the wrong people. I only seek to offend the right people. I don't dislike people that are Lil Wayne fans or love Lil Wayne's music. I may think less of you, but I don't despise you. However, there are the motherfuckers that are like overzealous Christians. You could be talking about football and then someone will say "Lil Wayne said this hard ass line about football. You listen to Lil Wayne?" Then they proceed to gloat about how great Lil Wayne is and how everyone should listen to him.

My little brother Terrell likes Soulja Boy. I don't care, as long as he isn't telling me to listen to Soulja Boy because he's nicer than everyone I like. This is something that Lil Wayne dookiechasers do.

This must be the opposite of knowing how to fight.

2009-05-25T06:53:00.000-07:00

0:03 - Head kick fail.

0:05 - Oh, shit! He went for the fake out.

0:07 - 0:10 - Did this nigga just do some "Ka-razy" to confuse him and then try to hit him with a surprise back kick?

0:11 - Wow, he almost got Briana Latrise'd. I don't like how that felt to type. I think it's getting old already.

0:14 - The guy with the plethora of hair almost caught him again.

0:18 - Man, the dude in the tight jeans is making the guy in the black look like Mirko Cro Cop the way he going for those kicks.

0:24 - I guess he's picking up his dignity after that "Ka-razy" demonstration didn't work.

0:33 - Did anyone give him the memo that you can't talk people out of a fight after they already tried to decapitate you?

0:42 - Oh, yeah, try to kick him in the berries. That's hella manly.

That looked like some shit off of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Thanks a lot Play Cloths blog guy.

Tears for Sears

2009-05-24T18:09:00.000-07:00

- A lady came in last week. Old girl had a layaway. So, we're looking for the layaway and it turns out we can't find it. The lady asks and I tell her "We're having trouble finding it, but we'll have your merchandise in a matter of minutes". So, the lady replies "I'm in a hurry! I have a relative dying of cancer that I have to take to a doctor's appointment at 9:30!" It's 9:18 AM. Now, I would've felt bad, but why the fuck are you picking up a raincoat from Sears if your family member's doctor's appointment is so important? Long story short, she got mad and left and we found her raincoat 2 minutes after she caught wheels.

- This couple, the Goldstroms, comes in. They want to pick up an assembled grill. At this point, we've had forty billion pick-ups for assembled grills. The male says "We don't know if it's here for sure, but we just wanted to check." I look in the back at the grills waiting for customer pick-up and none of them say Goldstrom. I go back out and tell these people "Sorry, we don't see your grill. It may not have come in yet." The male says "Okay" and walks into the store. (From MPU((Merchandise Pick-Up)), you can go directly into the Sears through a hallway) I'm chilling, thinking nothing of it, when Kevin comes to MPU looking perturbed. Now, Kevin is one of the managers for Tools. People get me and him confused a lot being that we're both short, black and stocky.

Well, he's all like "So Goldstrom told me you said that their grill wasn't in." I reply "I didn't see a Goldstrom." He then proceeds to explain how I could have gotten a pre-assembled grill of the same item number. At this fucking point, I didn't want to deal with one more motherfucking retard customer who came to pick up a big, stupid ass grill in a goddamn, ugly ass SUV. It wouldn't fit. So, I end up having to give them a grill anyway and lo and behold, I had to help the motherfucker unscrew a piece of so it would fit in his dipshit, ass-licking SUV.

- Some asshole comes in to pick up an assembled grill. Whatever. We bring him his grill and this douchebag is examining it and notices that the grill is fucked up.

It's not.

There was an area of scratched off paint about the size of a thumbnail in the corner where the grill closes down. Now, see, this area would end up getting scratched anyway due to opening and closing the fucking grill. He's also pissed because the door on the bottom only closes 98.4 percent of the FUCKING way. So, he asks, "do you have any other grills?" I say "I think we have one more". I go in the back to grab this nigga another grill and our LP(Loss Prevention) guy walks him in the back to the room with all the grills. I'm not going to put any vulgar expletives in front of his name because he apologized for it afterwards.

Long story short, the asshole looked at every grill and then decided that he didn't want a grill and returned it.

- Remember Perry? Yeah, me too. Well, let me get this one out of the way first. Now, a co-worker told me that she saw Perry downtown with . . . Jim(he's notoriously gay if you didn't read the post I linked to). She said they were hugged up on the lightrail. Not cool.

- Well, when Perry got fired, he ended up wrestling with the cop that was escorting him out. This nigga called me like two or three weeks ago leaving a voicemail asking if I could be a witness for him in court. Yo, I wasn't even there.

- Know what I hate about Sears customers right now? These motherfuckers will scan the receipt to pick-up their items and then leave immediately to get their cars. I come out ten seconds later and no one is there. That shit is getting on my nerves. The fucking machine says "Please bring your vehicle to pick-up before scanning your receipt for a quicker transaction". How hard is that?

Your Rhymes are Called the Vagina Monologues

2009-05-24T17:29:00.000-07:00

- That was an old Nas line. It was in a song where he was reading his old rap books. Can't remember the name.

- How the fuck did I get 52 followers? I went to sleep with like 36.

- I'm 16-1 at UFC Undisputed online. I'm going to be honest: 85 percent of the niggas I fought were terrible. The rest were half my power level. Bitches don't know about my ground and pound.

- Still getting ready for our baby shower. Jasmine would argue that I'm not doing anything. Well, she can suck a fat one.

- Yo, stop telling me get Charles Hamilton. I doubt dude even reads my blog, so chances are he isn't going to listen to shit I have to say. Besides, I don't even find it that bad that a broad crowned him. I find it bad he had a stuffed Pink Panther on his arm. WHERE DEY DO DAT AT!?

- I don't even know what that means.

- So much dumb shit happens at my job that I'm going to give that topic it's own post.

-

- Meh, close enough.

- I had an interesting Friday. I went to a diner called Cafe Hon with the mother of my child. I had this sandwich called a Big Bay Club that was a crabcake, shrimp salad, bacon, lettuce and tomatoes. That shit was delicious. Orgasmic, even.

- We also saw a tranny on the bus. This wasn't your average tranny. I know when most people think of he-she's they think of Wesley Snipes and John Leguizamo in To Wong Fu. This was not that. He had a man's face with woman hair. He had breasts. Not huge breasts, but breast enough to be feminine titties. Unfortunately, his pot belly stuck out beyond them. The guy had on a skirt. His legs were unshaven. They were reminscent of how your finger would look if you slid it under your couch and then looked at it. I did not see this because I did not bother to look hard enough, but Jasmine claimed that she could see his dick through his skirt.

- I'm sorry. . . I'm feeling nauseous.

- I also got good footage of a junkie doing the infamous "Lexington Market Lean" on my cell phone. She was dropping down and getting her eagle on.

- Shendiggity, me and Malcolm have to show you Lexington Market.

- I'm reading this thing about Hons on wikipedia. What the fuck is wrong with pronouncing "Baltimore" "Baldimore"? That shit is way too proper.

- When my mom says "fired" she says "farred".

- She's going to tell me to take that off.

- This is my blog!

- You know what pisses me off? Megahomophobic rappers. Like, that's not even the whole problem. Let me get to the point:

- How the fuck do you talk about rappers being undercover fags and talk about Kanye and Charles Hamilton but not mention the Knux?

-

- Nigga on the right. He looks mad Luther Vandross.

- I've usually been one to oppose the term "dress gay" because there are such things as homo thugs, but those niggas really dress like they pound butt.

- You "Noah's Arc" watching ass niggas.

- My mom loves that show.

- Advice Dog says:

Eric <3's Hip-Hop 2

2009-05-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

- So Charles Hamilton took another L after the video of his assistant Briana Latrise, stepdaughter of Mary J. Blige, gave him a mean right to the face. Although they reconciled immediately after, this is still a bad look. In my opinion, getting punched in the face by a female isn't that bad. It's the damn Pink Panther that was on his arm. Whether they had that little rap battle and he got Chuck Liddell'd or not, the video still probably would've circulated with the doll on his arm. He just wouldn't have been a trending topic on twitter.

I'd just like to say, I don't understand why a bunch of dudes come out of nowhere talking about they would've beat her up. Two months ago, niggas were talking about how much of a bitch Chris Brown is for hitting Rihanna. Apparently, if a female gives you a humiliating mollywhop, it's okay to hit females. Let's be realistic, most of these niggas being e-thugs probably caught a jab from a man and just walked away. At least Charles Hamilton didn't hit her back.

- I see now that Drake is gaining momentum, a lot of people are (I hate this word) hating on him. It's true. I don't fuck with his music like that, but he's doing something right. It trips me out how if a rapper has hella female fans, all of a sudden you're a fag for listening to him. I mean, come on. If I could rap like I want and have 80 percent of my fans rocking pussies, then I'd go for it. I like vaginas.

- I don't know who Dolla is. Nor do I care.

- Chris Brown opening for Michael Jackson? I mean, they're both practically criminals.

- Yo, I saw a picture of Rihanna. Her hair looked like Kazuya Mishima's.

- Check out Theo Martins x $port's track "Checkin' In"

- Also, my homeboy Malcolm Maximillion put out his track over "You Don't Know My Name" here.

- Look, don't complain about bad music after I just gave you some gems.

The Road Virus Heads North

2009-05-13T20:03:00.000-07:00

- A 5 day weekend. So awesome.

- The only thing sitting between me and UFC Undisputed is Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

- Yo, I have a co-worker that's annoying the fuck out of me. Like, you know that guy who's also goofy and a serious clown? When I say clown I don't mean like an asshole or a bitch ass nigga, I mean in the literal sense. This nigga be just doing dumb shit and using onomatopoeias and and other clown shit.

- He straight started imposing on me that we would be lightrail buddies. Like "Yo, Eric! Wait for me after work, yo!"

- B, you'll never see a Jamaican track runner get out of there like I got out of there.

- Then when I see him, I'll just be like "Oh, damn, I forgot! I was trying to catch the lightrail."

- He's not a bad dude, just. . . a clown.

- Stephen King is the best writer ever.

- This story, "Lunch at the Gotham Cafe" or some shit is wild. "YOU BOINKER!".

- Pregnant sex is awesome.

- Charles Hamilton is starting to freak me out. He wants us to believe he's dating Rihanna, he has a talking Pink Panther doll and he might be signed to Shady records. At the same time. I'm thoroughly confused.

- Courage Wolf says:

Beat a Bus Driver

2009-05-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the bus driver story:

So, me and Jasmine were getting off of the lightrail and we were coming up the street. There were two buses at a red light and the bus we were supposed to get in was behind the first one. I walk up to the bus and the nigga driving the bus looks straight at me for three seconds and then pulls off when the light turns green, passing Jasmine, too. I'm like "Oh, shit, word?" It could have ended there, but unfortunately for that bitch I'm a fucking man.

So I ran up the street to the bus where it was stopped at another red light and people were getting on the bus. I purposefully made myself to last one to get on and when it was my turn, I held the doors open. I saw the surprise in his face and he knew he was in for trouble that he could have avoided if he wasn't a fucking whore. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Can you wait a few seconds for my pregnant girlfriend to come up the street?
Pussy Ass Fuck Nigga: No, I run on a tight schedule.
Me: My girlfriend is pregnant. We need to catch this bus.
PAFN: Another bus will come in 10 minutes, sir. I need you to move from between the doors.
Me: 10 minutes!? Yo, I just want my girlfriend to make this bus.
PAFN: These people would be upset if they have to wait.
Me: (Looking at all the people on the bus) Would you mind waiting a little more for my pregnant girlfriend to get to the bus?
Everyone: (Shakes head no)
Me: See! They don't care.
PAFN: (Looking away from me) If I miss this light. . . (light turns red and he sucks his teeth like a bitch)

At this point, Jasmine gets on the bus. Jasmine asks me what happened and I told her "This nigga was acting like a fucking bitch." Jasmine replies "Don't say that so loud" and I said "Fuck him. As I was saying, he was whining like a female. . ." This fagamuffin then proceeds to get out of the driver seat and I was so deafened by fury that all I heard was "BLAH BLAH BLAH running your fucking mouth BLAH"

Now, I could've jumped up and turned into Rampage Jackson, but I thought about it:

1. If I fought this nigga on the bus, I would undoubtedly be arrested. What good would that do for my child and woman?
2. The people that just so graciously said they wouldn't mind waiting for my girlfriend would be lacking a bus driver because I was gonna knock this nigga's eye out of his face.
3. That would defeat the purpose of me running up the fucking street to catch it.

So I said "For the sake of her(pointing to Jasmine) and my child, I'm gonna leave it alone." We then had a quiet bus ride although this asshole drove recklessly and ran a red light and me and Jasmine got home.

The following morning, I filed a complaint because I feel like such an asshole doesn't deserve a job where he interacts with human beings. Call it snitching if you want, suck a fat one. I told the woman the whole story and she says that me holding the door on his bus was disrespectful. She decided to battle my argument with a horrible analogy stating "You holding his bus door was like if someone tried to come in your house when you told them no". I stated that my house isn't a "service to the community". This cunt also said "If the argument was that bad, why didn't he pull off". It seems she was suggesting that he should've drove off instead of waiting for my girlfriend, which also pissed me off. She says she wasn't taking his side, but I should take his emotions into consideration. As far as I'm concerned, that motherfucker doesn't have emotions. He's less than an animal to me.

I pray that he sees me on the street and remembers me and decides that he wants to think he's Jesus again, because I won't have to be so considerate to witnesses at that point. Unless Jasmine's with me.

Me Stalling Until I Do an Actual Blog Post

2009-05-13T06:04:00.000-07:00

Brought to you by Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

Sorry, I Thought I Was a Lizard Earlier

2009-05-06T01:12:00.000-07:00

- I should be sleep, but let's be honest, I hate math and I doubt my grade for that class is going to be awesome.

- With a baby on the way, I need to get on my shit, though.

- No, seriously. I'm going to have to start doing homework with the baby on my lap and if he throws up on it, he goes in the box.

- That was a joke.

- Probably.

- I've realized that since Jasmine and Mini-me will be staying at my house for his first week of breathing air, mad people are going to come try to see my child.

- I don't know if I'm going to have to make a list or what, but motherfuckers ain't going to be breathing their H1N1 breath all on my son.

- I need to start stocking up on pocket hand sanitizers.

- And certain people need to be checked about shit that won't be allowed around my baby, such as cigarette smoke and being dirty.

- I'm not being funny.

- But this is funny:

atlantabrotha: @SBnewnie how can you receive head and you are a female that makes no sense.
atlantabrotha: @SBnewnie maybe cause I'm straight I don't know about any of that lezbo stuff and don't wanna know about it cause it's wrong.
SBnewnie: @atlantabrotha i am str8.. like wht dnt yu understand?? i like gettin head.. females get head.. its 2009.. niggas is DOME'n off religiously(lol@religiously)
@SBnewnie oh I gotcha you like your pussy ate oh ok I was a lil confused for a minute my bad.

- I'm trying really hard not to generalize people from Atlanta and make jokes about how dumb people from the south are, I have family down there.

- UFC game? Piff.

- My girlfriend actually got me watching Ultimate Fighting Championship. Isn't that a bitch?

- Not Jasmine. She's not a bitch.

- Seriously, I'm purchasing that game. I was going to get Fight Night, but I think I'm gonna go with mixed martial arts on this one.

- My mom isn't home and I have no stupid leaves. TeH GEYzorz.

- I mean, come on, you know something went wrong during puberty when you only think lesbians get ate out.

-

- Yoooooooooooooo, I got a son.

Snurshdurgeshdir

2009-05-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

- They completely unblocked blogger on the Sears blocky shit. YA-HA.

- So, right, me and Jasmine saw this very, very, painfully hideous woman on Saturday. So ugly, in fact, that we had to make up a word for her:

Snurshdurgeshdir

From this point forth, Snurshdurgeshdir is a phrase to be used for someone's who's facial deficiencies are otherwordly. On a scale of 1 to 10, this title represents the negatives. A blind man could see how ugly this person is. When you say it, make sure you say it in the ugliest way you can possibly muster.

- I want to get on Lookbook.nu, but unfortunately, 75 percent of my wardrobe consists of jeans and t-shirts. Why can't you just admire how great my t-shirts are and not whether I can make a pair of Doc Martens work with a lime green cardigan?

- Baby mode is in full effect. We're planning the baby shower and are about to go get our gift registry Thursday.

- I need to plan on spending a night at my cousin Brandon's house. Brandon is my favorite cousin and I can be mega nerdy around him. This Eric you see, now? This is only half of my nerd power. When me and Brandon are around each other, I'm talking pocket protectors and pushing your glasses up nerdy.

- I'm considering making another blog, but what would it be about? Clothes? Video games? Women? I don't know.

- If I ever make a mixtape/album, I'm getting DJ Imp to hook me up with some beats. He knows my little ho brother. I also decided my rap name would be Wade Wilson. Google it. No, it's not named after the football player.

- So, I just did a pick-up for an older Asian couple and my co-worker said they had an exchange that went something like this:

Co-worker: "Do you have a car?"
Gentleman: "Yes. Do I pull it around?"
Co-Worker: "Yes"
Gentleman: "So I pull up here?"
Co-Worker: "Yes"
Gentleman: "In here?"
Co-Worker: "No, you can't drive the car into the store lol"

- Also, do me a favor and download the Cool Kids new mixtape Gone Fishin. That shit is a bang-aah.

"Pull. . . "

2009-05-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

You ever seen in those movies where there's always a rich guy with a big ass backyard that shoots plates? Like, he'll say "pull" and someone will launch a plate in the air and the guy will shoot it out of the sky? Well, in a collaboration with Mr. Heartbreak, he sent me these pictures and I am given the task of insulting these poor people. I would like to feel sympathy, but really. Really!

I'm paralyzed because I don't know exactly how to attack these fellows. I mean, what the fuck could you possibly thinking? Like, I know you think you look nice in women's clothes because you like dick or whatever, but do you ever think "Hey, maybe I shouldn't wear this out of the house. Someone might post this on the internet and wish death on me." What the fuck is that pattern on the purple guy? Are those supposed to be hearts? I'm sorry, I can't look at this anymore. The homo level is fatal.

I don't know if Bon'Quiquiquikatrice thought it would be classy to just wear body-paint, but she's wrong. Awfully wrong. First off, her whole body isn't painted. I don't know if the nigga/niggaette that did it just got lazy like "Fuck it. You look good girl!" or if she really thought this would be awesome. And why is this scunt on the "red carpet" with a Heineken bottle and a pack of Newports?

Ah, the Burberry Behemoth. I saw her on Hot Ghetto Mess already. Believe it or not, I think the dude looks worse. This asshat got on a zoot suit on some Tom & Jerry type shit.

Oh, come on. The one on the left looks like a cyborg. They both look like gold digging vampires. They'll suck anything for some money.

I could be offended by her dress, but I saw some of those at my prom. I'm more offended that I though the nigga next to her was headless until I studied the picture. Everyone knows that people that black do not wear white. He looks like Mr. Game and Watch.

Mid-Terms for the XXL Freshman

2009-04-30T23:41:00.000-07:00

Well, the hype was raised, there is still some hype, and now the XXL Freshman of 09 are being judged. What do I think?

Most Likely to Find Mainstream Success (or sell-out, which are similar)

Wale is a proficient enough rapper, he definitely isn't terrible. However, after seeing him ask if it would be okay for him to make a remix to "Kiss Me Through The Phone" and making his first single a song with Lady Gaga, it causes me to question his ability to, ya know, not be a sell-out.

Most Likely to Be Loved By Hip-Hop fans

Face it, Cory Gunz can spit with the best of them. I see him gaining a status similar to Jadakiss: You might not hear him in a soccer mom's van like Flo-Rida, but he'll be a prominent name in hip-hop.

Most Likely to Be Slept On and Treated Like Shit

Yeah, yeah, I know, he wears pink a lot and thinks he's Sonic the Hedgehog. Yes, he beatjacked a nigga. Yes, I heard the Rhymefest diss and he indeed scorched Charles Hamilton. None of this overshadows the fact that the Pink Lavalamp was one of the better albums released last year and it was a free download. I expect the same for his first major label release "This Perfect Life".

Most Likely to Ride On the Success of His Boss

Let's be real, how fucking lucky could you be to get picked up on Kanye's label? Let me be a little more honest: What is so special about this nigga? I find myself listening to his music, which is pretty good, but he's not exactly a rapper. Hell, he's not even a singer. He basically talks with a flow over a beat. You won't see me copping his album, but hopefully getting co-signed by Kanye is enough to keep him afloat, especially after that whole "I want to quit music because Wale said I ain't the same" fiasco.

Most Likely to Be Loved by the Underground and/or Backpackers

The dude gained following after Below the Heavens and no one has been disappointed with him yet. The thing about having fans when you're not all mainstream and dancing is that they're faithful as hell. I see Blu having a long career of critically acclaimed albums.

Most Likely to Crash and Burn

Asher. Asher, Asher, Asher. Saying you're likely to "crash and burn" isn't a jab against you, guy. I actually think you're a pretty good rapper. However, after receiving mediocre reviews and the whole "nappy-headed hoes" thing on Twitter, you need to do something. Perhaps the crowd you picked up being endorsed by Don Cannon abandoned you, who knows. What I do know is that you're going to face a lot of shit because 1) You're white and 2) Your "swag" revolves around college life, which a lot of hip-hoppers may not want to hear about. I wish you the best of luck, but really, watch it.

Most Likely to Live Up to His Comparisons

Out of all of the new "Eminems" and "Kanyes", Bobby Ray (formerly known as B.O.B. or as I call him "Dave Chappelle Jr")is the one that actually seems to emulate his influences. His main influence, being Outkast, will help his career in the long run as long as he doesn't try to sound too much like Big Boi and Andre 3K.

Most Likely to Rip Freestyling Sessions on the Radio. . . That's It

I mean, with a name like "Mickey Factz", how much do you expect from guy? I still haven't heard anything to give me an actual opinion, but the Honda commercial was enough for him to be laughable for a while.

Most Likely to remain C-list

Being affiliated with Terry Kennedy and Fly Society can only get you but so far. I've listened to at least four songs and have remained unimpressed. Hey, at least he has his 20 or so fans, right?

Most Likely to Live Up to His Expectations

Ace Hood = FAIL

Honorable Mentions

Most Likely to Speed Past All of These Niggas

It's a shame he didn't make it on to the XXL cover. Faster than you can say "But this nigga was on Degrassi", he makes a single that makes panties melt and gets niggas on his side because he can rap. A co-sign by Lil Wayne doesn't hurt too much either. I never downloaded So Far Gone, but I can't deny the dude's got talent. I, however, do not like him because he brings the possibilty of bringing light-skinned guys back. I worked too hard to lose my grip, son.

Most Likely to Succeed Without Riding His Bosses Coattails

I downloaded his mixtape, and he is good with his metaphors and similes. I wish, I really wish, he would choose better beats though. If I was Big Sean, I'd be pissed that some stoner that talkraps came out of nowhere and started stealing my shine on my label, but that would be hating. Besides the fact you have to say "pause" everytime you say his name *pause*, this dude could build up a following with his clever metaphors and delivery.

Go to Jail Card

2009-04-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

I just logged in to my brother's myspace (Who is like the Riley to my Huey Freeman)and some ~~bitch~~ ignorant little girl posted a status saying:

"listen to 92Q.Free mah bestie trynna qive him attempt murder datz petty ckant believe it."

Now how the fuck is it petty to charge someone with attempted murder? If the motherfucker actually tried to kill somebody, they need to be in a jail cell. Now, knowing Baltimore police, he might not have actually had tried to kill someone and they put some bullshit on him.

Enough about her bestie, I have a problem with this shit period. This whole "Free so and so" shit has got to stop. As a people, fuck, human beings, stop the goddamn ignorance. I can understand if someone committed a victimless crime like, say, drug possession or something along those lines, but if you shoot a motherfucker, you aren't fit for society.

A nigga blows another dude's brains out and here comes his jiggaboo buddies getting shirts and shit made saying "Free Wantwon" and shit. What sense does that make? If a nigga kills another human being, why should he be allowed to walk freely in the community. I can understand self-defense (Actual self-defense. Not "this nigga whooped my ass two days ago so I shot him") or someone breaking in to your house, but just retarded nigga violence is unacceptable.

Cool, that's your homeboy and all, but he also broke a law and a fucking commandment. If one of my cousins were going to jail for aggravated assault, what could I say if he actually did it? "Oh, let him go, he cool peoples"? Nooooo, he had that shit coming.

So before you start whining about the government and police holding black people down, you should whine about you motherfuckers reacting to shit in moronic ways.

UPDATE: Turns out the girl's bestie was trying to get his phone back from some nigga that stole it and the boy's girlfriend called the police and said he tried to kill the dude. Is that the whole, truth? I don't know.

Photobucket Phunnies: Fuck

2009-04-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

After the last random encounters I had with funny pictures on photobucket when searching "vagina", I decided I'd do it again. This time, using "fuck" (What did you expect? Penis? I don't like penis). This was hard because most of the pictures were just teenagers thinking they were rebellious or cool for putting up their middle fingers.

You know what, fuck this. I don't know when putting up your middle finger was the national pose for "I'm fucking awesome", but their are way too many retarded teenagers to go through.

I mean, really, what the fuck is up with American youth? They're so busy trying to look cool in front of their friends but seem to not realize they look really stupid. I used to do dumb shit, and now I see what it feels like to try to warn the youngsters and they don't care because they share IQ levels with fucking armadillos.

Really it's just me being frustrated because I couldn't find more funny pictures.

DAT ASS

2009-04-27T12:27:00.000-07:00

- Uncharted 2 is getting multiplayer. God of War III, Tekken 6, Brutal Legend. . . It's like Sony wants all of my money.

- I would love to slide Mary Mary for using auto-tune, but the Gospel Shield of Jesus protects them.

- The same reason they didn't boo terrible singers at the Apollo if they sang a gospel song.

- Whatever happened to Showtime at the Apollo?

- Today has been a lazy day. I didn't do shit except rake leaves. This "Winter straight to Summer" thing is overwhelming.

- I bought the Orange Box. I love Half-Life 2 and I need that game in my life. Forever.

- I know ya'll want to know about the baby. He's alive. And he kicks a lot.

- I don't know what I just did to my shoulder, but it hurts like a break-up.

- Me, Jasmine and Jamie --

-

- That's Jamie. She's white. And a girl.

- We were at the harbor and a dog sprayed it's shit on the ground. Some girl stepped in it. Ew.

- We did other shit, but I don't feel like talking about it. I'm LAZY 2 DAY.

- I'm going to type like a moron just to see how it feels.

- ii HATE WEN PPL GET MAD @ U 4 GETEN ON DEM 4 TYPEN BAD DEY B ALL LIKE ITS JUS DA INTENRET LOL N I B LIK BITCH U NEED 2 LERN UR GRAMMAR BITCH

- DEN ii TAK ABOT HOW I B FUKKiiN DEY GRAMMA N DA BUTTHOLE DEY B LIK FUCC U N I BE LIK SUK MY DIK HOE

- That shit was really hard to do. It's difficult to believe people do that shit effortlessly.

- This guy tried to argue with me on youtube, but he just kept calling me gay and saying I like it when men nut on my back, so it wasn't really noteworthy.

- Why can't I ever find someone that shares my wit and sense of humor so that we can have an epic battle of minds? Because it's the internet.

- If I stand outside, I'm going to feel like I'm being sandwiched by fat women because it's so damn spicy outside.

- SMH:

- I didn't want to post any bucketheads, but this bitch was asking for it. The caption for the picture says "Mii B@Bii SAY FUCK U HATERS!!!!"

- In response, I said:

Oh, wow. I need to upload this as a smaller picture so I can post you on my blog and make fun of you. Surely you are an embarrassment to black people everywhere. I should know, since I am a black person and you are indeed embarrassing the shit out of my skin color.

- She deserved it.

- Why do these scunts feel that they don't need maternity clothes? When your stomach sticks out like that, you can't wear jeans with buttons and belts anymore.

- And I know they can fucking afford it because these bitches be buying clothes at the motherfucking mall but don't go in one place that sells maternity clothes.

- You know what, I just need a whole other blog where I just get on people, but that would make this one less interesting.

-

Display Pictures That Make Me SMH and/or LOL

2009-04-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

ρяєтту туєღ |.вad вιтcн.|т.σ.є.♀

Because putting "SINGLE" in big ugly letters on a picture is totally going to get you some dick.

♥Fuck It!!!!!™

But on the other hand, nothing gets penises pointing in your direction like the "drunken whore" swag.

I'd beat, though.

meco

You couldn't possibly fathom how hard I laughed when I saw this. When quitting masturbation is such a great accomplishment that you have to wear a shirt saying you don't do it anymore in public, you need to evaluate where you're going with your life.

Masturbating is awesome.

Onyx.™.Love Knock Down.

If that Louis Vuitton bandana is real, my fruit of the loom underclothes are fake.

•com .

This is offensive to Mexicans. She has on a sombrero and she drew a moustache on her face. She's a racist.

MRS.SMALLS BITCHES!!

long hair thick redbone♥

Not only did she use demotivators incorrectly, but she made it into a Wanted poster. I just want to kick her in the pussy.

TaTtOoEd Up WiN i TaKe OfF mY sHiRt

Wow, this nigga is an asshead. He got the star ~~Lil Wayne's boyfriend~~ Baby has tattooed on his chest, along with angel wings that have feathers that look like shards of glass. He also has the Famous Stars & Straps logo tattooed on both sides of his chest.

I can't wait until he hits the point where he realizes he failed as a black man.

{~haters just kno i keep dem goons around mii when

First off, these custom BAPE cartoons went out of style when I graduated from high school. Second off, he's supposed to be a crip. There's nothing that says "intimidating gangbanger" like an adorable cartoon that looks like it was drawn by an eight year old.

You see how much I must suffer to entertain you people.

All Homo

2009-04-22T20:09:00.000-07:00

This is the gayest thing I've come across in a long time.

- Apparently these niggas buy their pants from Forever 21

- They're dancing (If you can call that shit that) to a song called "You're a jerk"

- If Steve Urkel was dancing. . . and he suffered from brain damage recently. . . and was doing a mating dance looking for a man. . . this is what it would look like.

Display Names That Make Me LOL II

2009-04-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

1. ♥SIMONE is FANCY {ILLEGAL}- I have no idea what this means.

2. {A.N.T} She Is A Tiger [Rated R] - I hope he's not talking about his sex partner, because last I heard, bestiality is illegal in Maryland. Plus tigers will kill you.

3. HE TELLS ME I'M ADORABLE - He probably tells everyone that when they give him blowjobs.

4. Jason's Official MySpace - It's funny because he's not famous.

5. {WoOoW3rz} Th3s3z ChAiNz..... - . . . Still don't know what this shit means.

6. (T@hti@na@>:Miss Congeniality - I bet if Firefox didn't have auto-spell check, congeniality would've been spelled wrong. She still doesn't know what it means, though.

7. U will be cut off just watch but i still luv ya - Talk about bipolar.

8. khaki♥ - "She look like a pair of khakis" - Terrell

9. D∀t By₮cH is ∀ JOK∋ 2 Ｍe - How do these kids get past 6th grade?

10. NEW ME AND IM LOVEING IT TO THE FULLIST - It's sad because unlike these other dolts, he probably thought he was spelling this shit right.

11. Swaganair - I just wanna punch this nigga for that name.

12. page under construction - If it takes you so long to fix your myspace that you have to put "under construction", then you probably shouldn't have one in the first place.

13. "IM A HUGE ROCK FAN GET OVER IT" - This nigga like 6 years late since hella black people openly listen to rock music now. He might as well have just said "I'M A TOTAL FUCKING POSER GET OVER IT"

14. ღDouqalss Badmitton Record 9-1ღ - I can't talk because I wrestled, but who gives a fuck about Badminton? And how do you play a sport and not know how to spell it?

15. wishin mii man was true 2 mii - Then why don't you leave him, you dumb skeezer?

16. NO BITCH AINT GOT SHIT ON ME!!! - That's a double negative. So you saying that there are bitches that "got shit" on you. That's disgusting.

17. LIL WOODY ALL DAY - Pause.

18. I Graduated But Aint Nothing Change Im The Same! - And that's why you're going to end up with a bad job.

19. WHERE IS HE :( - Not with you.

20. { &ND TRUTH IZ I DONT WANT 2 LOST HIM}} - Wow. That spelling error was so bad I'm not even going to get on her. I just feel bad for her whole existence.

21. I KNOW U LOOKIN @ MY PAGE THINKIN DAMN I MISS HER! - Teenage girls are so naive it makes my life ache.

22. мяs.ρєяƒєcŧ|.o°•chєckk.мє.out!•°o< - Kill yourself in the most vicious way possible.

23. *In Love with my imagination* - and that's why you'll die a virgin.

24. ╔╝╚╗⌠¬.¬⌡╔╝╚╗ - Fuck you and your future.

25. sexy gril - It's sad that I'm only 20 and I'm already complaining about how dumb kids are.

26. FUCK DEY DO DAT AT? BITCH - You get the Nigger of the Week award for this one.

27. ~YO Y MIS NINAS NO NECESITAN NINGUN NIGGA~ - Me and my girls don't need something. I don't know, my Spanish is rusty. What I do know is that teaching these ignorant children new ways to say dumb shit is why they're closing down Baltimore high schools.

28. HeSs BaCkK[♥ Uu MikE]AnDd GoIng 2 StaY 4 A WhiLE - Notice how she said he's back and going to stay for a while? She's basically admitting he's going to leave her again.

29. SIN(SEXY INTELLIGENT NICE) - I wonder what goes through their heads when they make this shit up and type it.

30. {~haters just kno i keep dem goons around mii when - Wait, for the finale, I need to post this dude's headline.

"yall dam ass ass niggas need to stop hate on a nigga in a damn life to live cuz nigga yu hate cuz yu cant live mines dats why yu hate damn man get on my level get on some grown man shit like mii !!!!"

It is my personal opinion that when men keep whining about haters, they come off feminine to me. I understand women whining about haters because chicks be mad at each other over silly shit, but dudes? Either shut up or off yourself.

I need to do a "display pictures that make me LOL". I've seen some funny shit.

Another Really Bad Song - The Same Dude

2009-04-20T09:13:00.000-07:00

*sigh* Here we go:

0:20 - What the fuck just happened?

0:30 - I'm sorry, the cheesiness of the video took me by surprise.

0:33 - From the various shots of the dance floor, I see they used the **"brown paper bag" test when choosing women to be in the video.

0:42 - Oh, God, what is he doing?

0:46 - I wonder if anyone told him that those women lack ass.

0:50 - No. They don't expect me to believe that woman is his mother. She has to be at least 2/3 his age.

0:51 - Lawl @ his snow bunny hiding behind the door.

0:56 - Yo, they look like the Sims the way they are arguing. I also realized his "mom" is fresher than him. Fail.

1:04 - Whoa. She came out of nowhere looking like she came from The Matrix.

1:11 - That's some terrible popping and locking. Who has popping and locking in their videos anymore?

1:15 - I knew he couldn't go an entire video without doing some blatantly terrible dance moves.

1:29 - Who are these niggas? Is that his "mom" over there?

1:40 - From attempting to understand what the hell he's saying, I think the song is about his mom's disapproval of his rabid lust for white vagina.

1:45 - It's like they tried their best to find the lamest looking white dudes in the world. Can't have anyone looking cooler than raisin face.

1:48 - What is this broad doing?

1:54 - Is that Asher Roth?

1:58 - I know people beat him up in school. If they didn't, then they should have.

2:06 - I don't like that guy.

2:10 - Oh, shit, she's singing, too.

2:17 - He doesn't even have to dance. Just moving around makes him look like a damn buffoon.

2:30 - . . . What. . .

2:35 - Why does he have his hoodie off of his shoulders like that's what's hot in the streets? This video is like a montage of shit that was cool in the late 90s.

2:44 - He fails at singing and rapping and he's dark as all hell. He's like the anti-Drake.

2:50 - "Far from a gangster" I believe he's far from a lot of things, gangster being one of the more obvious, of course.

3:00 - He finally stopped rapping. That shit was brutal.

3:09 - Wow, that little move they did was so lame and prepubescent.

3:19 - Ew, she touched his face.

3:20 - Ah, shit, he's dancing with the dancers now.

3:27 - Who did that camera work and editing for this video? He/she must have down syndrome.

3:43 - Did that dame have a unibrow?

3:53 - Ha! Yo bucked at the girl. That was funny.

3:59 - Mmm, worthwhile buttcheeks.

4:02 - Oh, come on, what do these niggas have to do with anything?

4:13 - What the fuck is he doing behind her?

4:16 - Is that his mom stopping the. . . intimidating guys? I'm so confused.

I hope this dude makes another Treasure in You. This was just confusing and had less terrible dancing.

** The brown paper bag test is when you compare the darkness of one's skin to a paper bag. If they are as dark or darker than the bag, then they fail. Yung Berg is one of the more popular users of this test.

A Really Bad Song - Some African Guy(No racism)

2009-04-14T16:47:00.001-07:00

Let's list the things wrong with this God-forsaken video:

0:10 - What the fuck was that move he just did?

0:17 - Not only did that scare the shit out of me the first three times I heard it, but that dance move he just did has got to be one of the most hilarious body movements I've ever seen. Yo, that was a black woman that sang and they didn't even show her whole face. You'll see why this is fucked up later.

0:18 - He looks like a California raisin. No, seriously, he's so black he's fucking purple.

0:19 - That was gay.

0:38 - He's done so many terrible dance moves up to this point I couldn't possibly take the arduous task of making fun of each one. This chick he's after, her face have to many sharp angles. Less than 90 degrees.

0:45 - Did he just drug her?

0:50 - Oh, yeah an extremely black man putting a coat over a passed out white woman in a bar. That's the exact opposite of suspicious.

1:00 - He really just looked retarded when he did that.

1:11 - Like, dead ass, who told this man he could dance?

1:13 - Now he's just sitting next to her. I'm pretty sure someone would've called the cops by now.

0:17 - I just had to go back to that. That was fucking hilarious.

1:18 - I think his hairline is allergic to his eyebrows. That would explain his "fivehead".

1:19 - Wait. Wait a MOTHERFUCKING MINUTE. Those are nothing but white women. I'm not saying a black guy shouldn't have a preference for pink nipples, but you can't be that black and only have Caucasian women in your video. That's against some sort of unwritten rule.

1:23 - I like how they all ran like "Bitch, you on your own".

1:30 - SCARY RAPIST FACE D:

1:36 - I really wish he would stop dancing. He's ruining my life.

1:55 - I wonder if his friends were watching him dance just going "Pause. Pause. Pause. . ."

1:58 - That's the ugliest fucking spin I've ever seen.

2:05 - I'm going to assume she's running from Flava Flav.

2:06 - Come on, now. Jaguar's haven't been balling since 1998.

2:16 - He's way too pissed off.

2:33 - I think he has cerebral palsy.

2:36 - Who are these dancing motherfuckers and what do they have to do with Treasure and date rape?

3:10 - Someone, anyone, needs to just make a compilation of all his dance moves. I'd pay for that.

3:34-3:38 - I try to ignore him, I do, but then he does some horrific moves that make me laugh.

3:48 - Note to video directors: Women sitting there looking bored? Doesn't make me horny.

3:57 - You hear that shit? What the fuck WAS THAT?

4:10 - This dude's falsetto makes me want to stab someone.

4:16 - If a white person was talking about how much they hate black people and how bad we are for the world and they presented this as evidence, even Obama couldn't combat that.

4:28 - You expect me to believe that she wants this guy? Like, that illusion defies logic to the point that it goes past not making sense and makes sense again.

Good news (for you). He has another terrible video and I swear I'm posting that one, too. With commentary.

My mom was offended by the lack of Nubian queens.

For the Fellas That Still Think Booking Females on the Internet is for Nerds

2009-04-12T18:56:00.000-07:00

Stolen from G-Ron by the way.

I didn't want to just steal his video for the people that read my blog, so I have something to say about each of these poor bastards.

1. Mr. "PLEASE!?" - This just comes off really pathetic. When a chick says "No", you should take it for its most popular connotation, which is fucking "No".

2. Mr. "So you can't have friends?" - What the fuck is this shit about? Many a nigga has tried this stunt on my girl, so I asked her if I could record an audio message on her phone saying "Hello, this is her boyfriend saying no, she can't have friends with penises that she has not known prior to March 23, 2007, you lame ass nigga."

3. Mr. "Damn! She isn't going to call me!" - Now, I understand this one. When a chick says "I'll take your number, though", it's basically the easiest way to let a dude down since you're not actually saying something negative. Men, however, have realized over the years that it means "There is a very small chance I'm going to call you, so don't hold your breath."

4. Mr. "FLIP THE SCRIPT" - These are by far the worse perpetrators of failing to bounce back from rejection. Instead of saying "That's cool" and going on to find other fish in the sea with coochies he wants to have sex with, he cusses out the chick that turned him down. You can't try to get a woman's number and then turn around and say "Fuck you, bitch! You ugly anyway!" That's like offering someone some food, then when they say "No thanks" you start telling them "Yo fat ass don't need it anyway!" I understand that the whole thing is a ploy to wound her pride as much as she wounded yours, but dude, grow the fuck up.

5. Mr. "Not taking no for an answer" - That nigga's a criminal. If you can manage to call the police, he will dissipate because he surely has existing warrants. He probably also has a shower daddy who's feeling lonely without his old cellmate/butt buddy.

What Me and My Brother Talk About On the Phone(Guest starring Jasmine again)

2009-04-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

Terrell: You tell Jade(Jasmine's sister) I have a crush on her
Jasmine: No
Me: He's legal now
Jasmine: (Telling Jade he's legal). . . Oh, stop that! Don't get that look on your face. He is not a sweetheart, he is a hooker!

****************************************************************

Terrell: Jasmine sensitive.
Me: Jasmine's more sensitive than infant clit.

******************************************************************

Jade:(To Jasmine)Do you have a heart underneath all that booby?

******************************************************************

Terrell: Me and Jordan(Jasmine's brother) had a conversation about being uncles.
Jade: We're family now.
Me:(singing) We are a family, like a giant tree! Branching into the skyyyyyyyy!
Jasmine: You both are gay.
Me: Yep, that's Jasmine now.

******************************************************************

Me: Do you like fishsticks?
Terrell: Do you?
Me: Nigga, do you like fishsticks!?
Terrell: No.
Me: Ah, fuck. . . you sure?
Terrell: Hold on, dickhead.
Me: Dammit.

*******************************************************************

Terrell: Yo gay! He said he confused.
Me: I don't like your tone of jokes. I'm gonna cauterize your butthole shut and feed you laxatives.

********************************************************************

Me: What did you just eat?
Jasmine: Pizza and apple juice.
Me: It sound like you just ate a human being.

********************************************************************

Terrell: Whooooo! My bad. I always get hype playing basketball and footbal.
Me: Nothing gets him horny like watching sweaty black men rubbing against each other.

********************************************************************

Jasmine: If I wanted to pay 78 dollars for a crib, how much would you put up?
Me: 78.
Jasmine: Why?
Me: Because it costs less than I expected so I can still get some Yeezy's.

********************************************************************

Me: Keebduhpigjuhugot
Terrell: What?
Me: Keebduhpigjuhugot
Terrell: What?
Me: GOT A MOUTHFUL OF EGGS LIKE BACON AND CHEESE!

********************************************************************

Terrell: Why don't you like Hawaiian Punch?
Me: Because she's anti-black.
Jasmine: How is that black?
Me: Because it gives us diabetes.

*********************************************************************

Jasmine: I wish I had an afro like Beyonce's. A nice 70s afro.
Me: Oh! I thought you said you wish you had an "asshole" like Beyonce's.
Jasmine: Yeah. . . I don't know what her asshole looks like.
Me: I would love to find out.

*********************************************************************

Me: Damn, whatever happened to Theardra? I haven't heard from her in, like, months.
Jasmine: We talked to her last week.
Me: Look, I got really high twice in the past week.

*********************************************************************

Me: (Talking about a girl that called Jasmine a clown) That was very bold. Jasmine usually attacks people for saying shit like that.
Jasmine: What?
Me: Nothing. You a cutie pie.

*********************************************************************

Me: Why does Timothy(Nikavelli) look just like Timbaland? It's like Timbaland was making a beat and then he suddenly started grunting and pulled a chunk of himself out and it was Tim.

**********************************************************************

Jasmine: I'm afraid our son will come out extremely gorgeous and when he grows up, girls will flock to his penis!
Me: I don't care, as long as he keeps that rubber on his meat.

**********************************************************************

YOU KNOW I STAY HYPE!

2009-04-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

-I'm listening to Wendy Williams dookie on Bow Wow. I heard he caught a bitch fit when Sandra Rose, Queen of Haters, questioned his relevance.

- Yeah, so, Lil Bow Wow been fell off. Soulja Boy verse > Bow Wow's on "Marco Polo". That's rock bottom right there.

- Not to mention him and Jermaine Dupri's ode to bromance.

- Then again, if he keeps kicking it with Soulja Boy and Gucci Mane, he might start rapping like them and funnel their fan base to himself. Who knows?

- This waiting for the baby shit is killing me! I know in four months I'm going to wish he was back in the womb.

- I've been posting too many videos lately.

- My team won that damn carbon emissions debate I was stressing about. I really thought we weren't going to win.

- Ha! Cap and trade >>> Hybrid cars.

- I feel like I can't say I listen to Charles Hamilton out loud anymore, but I still do because, you know, fuck you then.

- I'm sure some people saw a small problem on the day after my birthday and I assure you it's taken care of.

- Thanks to $port.

- You guys can leave comments on Jasmine's blog. I won't get mad. She does say some personal stuff on there.

- Like, about my genitalia.

- Should I get some Chick-Fil-A today? Those waffle fries are piff.

- Now I'm watching Unforgivable. That shit is hilarious.

- "Nigga wit a mop-top spoke up. Nigga had on Abercrombie!"

- I love this dude.

- If you said a pause should be right there, then you're calling me gay and I'd like it if you didn't read my blog.

- "Bitch, I don't want no Mike and Ike's. . . I want yo butthole!"

- Where does he come up with this shit?

- "She said 'who you gonna vote for, Ricky?'"
"They're the same devil, bitch! They both like triangles. Bitch, they in love with shapes!"

- I hope no one in my gender and women's studies finds out I think this is funny.

Cat Shit One >>> Other Animes of Animals Fighting

2009-04-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

After introducing me to Cassandra Lee, Kanye is getting more cool points with this.

. . . Bunny rabbits. Shooting shit. In a desert.

JAPAN IS SO AAAAUUUGGGGHHSSSSOOMMME.

As My Friend Alicia Would Say "OMG, kill yourself!"

2009-04-08T07:43:00.000-07:00

I just happened to be looking for a Bape related picture to put for my myspace(Yes, I still go on there) headline and found this pathetic MF'er.

First off, I'm a fan of Bape and BBC/Ice Cream, although I like the latter more and I hate fake shit. Like, seriously, if you really want Bape that bad, just save your money for it. It should only take a few months for you to put enough money aside for a varsity jacket or hoodie.

Why this nigga got on a purple Bape hoodie and a matching shirt? That's not the worst part.

Then, he's holding a gun of some sort. I hate when dudes take pictures of guns because they seem to want to give the impression that they would use them.

Finally, wtf at the weight, yo. It's not even on a whole dumbbell. I mean, 35 pounds? I can lift that with one finger!

Commercial EPIC WIN

2009-04-06T06:53:00.000-07:00

Most sports shit is meant to make you feel all bad-ass when you wear it and advertisements should be able to make you think that. This commercial did that. I wanted to wear nothing but Nike for a year, but I couldn't afford it.

I want LaDanian Tomlinson's mask.

Sperm-Friendly: Jungle Fever Edition

2009-04-04T10:00:00.001-07:00

Hayden Panettiere

If I've done enough good shit in my life to store karma, God will reward me by letting me have sex with her vagina. Pre-maritally, of course.

Amanda Bynes

She's hot and funny, which totally gets my motor erect. Then I could tell jokes during sex like "Knock knock" and she'll be all "Who's there?" and then I'll cum on her face.

Nikki Blonsky

I'm not joking or trying to be funny. I'd bone away her hopes and dreams.

Cassandra Lee

I just found her today on Kanye's blog. She's fucking hot. She's going to be up their with Bria Myles for me now. She's so hot, I'm going to post another picture.

Orgasmville

Jenna Von Oy

If you don't know, that's the white girl from the Parkers. I've had a crush on her since I was in middle school and shit and I'd totally bust a. . . Oh, fuck it, I'll show you.

Word.

This chick

I don't know, but she drew her. Plus she got a big, stupid phat ass.

Mario blacks on Peach

2009-04-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

If you don't find this funny, you're either a feminist or a fat turtle.

I'm not into April Fool's Day

2009-04-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

I could have switched my blog around or posted a fucking screamer or some lame shit like that, but April Fool's Day is one of the more pointless holidays, in my opinion. The decision to create a day based around mankind's inherent evil by allowing them to deceive people has never made much sense to me.

I've always wanted to tell my dad I'm gay for April Fool's day, but I'm not sure I could say "April Fools!" before he struck me. Either that or he wouldn't fall for it since I have a baby on the way. It also crossed my mind to say that Jasmine lost the baby, but I totally don't need any "douchebag karma" right now.

I do plan on calling my job and pretending I'm calling out for the day, though. That might be funny.

Sarcasm is my middle name. No, it's not. I'm a Liar.

2009-03-30T15:12:00.000-07:00

If you ask anyone that talks to me, I'm really a sarcastic person. Nowadays, people just claim sarcasm because they think that it's cool. That shit is totally annoying, seeing people in shirts that say "I'm fluent in sarcasm". Hell, even shit like this:

"Look at me! I'll say the opposite of what I really mean with a smug tone and that shows my bitchy attitude! I'm cooler than you because I suffer from anti-social personality disorder!"

Look, I really don't know how to control my sarcasm, sometimes even unleashing it on some random stranger. It just surprises me when people ask dumb, obvious questions and then get offended.

"Was there just a car accident?"
"No. Why would you think that? Is it the two destroyed cars in the middle of the street or the debris all over the ground? Perhaps the ambulance right there?"

It's a defense mechanism.

I remember a time when I was in 3rd grade and the teacher said "Draw what you want to be when you grow up". I didn't fucking know, I was 8, so I just drew an astronaut." She said "Why an astronaut? Try again." So, out of anger, I drew a Shoe City cashier and she took my paper and I started crying. I don't really want to be a Shoe City cashier, but I was like "Fuck it, if you won't take what I give you." She probably would've thought I was one of those at-risk children if I wasn't already the smartest one in the class.

Those fake sarcasm motherfuckers are one of two kinds of people I hate. People that tell other people they're sarcastic and people that tell people they're funny. Technically, I'm the first one now, which means I must commit seppuku, but I could never be the second. Those obnoxious assholes.

Oh, I Almost Forgot

2009-03-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

Since this motherfucker's gained fans on my blog, his birthday passed Saturday.

He's 18. Please keep the sexual comments to a minimum.

Display Names That Make Me LOL

2009-03-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

Myspace is out of style? Really?

1. I'm so tired of children....... I want a real - I'm going to assume she means man? What draws children to you? Is your pussy an Etch-a-Sketch? Maybe you should do something about that.

2. ★Mîî§ž ŇïïŇîî★ïïM Fł¥ëŘ ŧĦåÑ ä FłØčK ðF bîîŘđ§ =) - Dead ass, sometimes I want to kill myself when I read this shit. I need to go read a book for some actual English.

3. {WoOoW3rz} Th3s3z ChAiNz..... - . . . What the fuck are you talking about?

4. (T@hti@na@>:sucka for romance - See, this how these little broads end up changing their names in two weeks saying "N$RT*S AI#N'T SH#**T" or however they would write that shit.

5. i NEED SUMONE TO MAKE MY {( DREAMS COME TRUE)} - Too bad genies aren't real, bitch.

6. HE IS MINES AND CAN'T NO 1 HAVE HIM - Bet he's getting his dick sucked by her sister right now.

7. DONT THANK ME JUST FUCK ME!!!!!!LOL - I can't lie, this one is awesome.

8. {So Gr0wn n3va Pr3ss3d} - Grown people don't TYPE LIKE THAT.

9. ALLERGIC 2 FAKE PPL & NO GOOD NIGGA'S - And yet you're gonna be fucking one in a month. You bucketheads entertain me. Note the grammatical error.

10. I TURN OFF DA LIGHTS WITH A SWITCH WHEN IM WALKING - Really. How fucking corny could you get without dying?

11. I WILL BE DELETING THIS PG AT 7:30 - I wonder if this scunt knows no one cares.

12. my diamonds on dey period dey won't stop bleed - That doesn't even make sense.

13. CiNNaMoN - Brandon your my everything - For the record, CiNNaMoN was gay a few months ago and straight before that.

14. -Ms.J@Y :.|FREE MY BITCH >TiiSH< |™.: - If she's a bitch, maybe she shouldn't be free.

15. SO NOT LIKING HIM RIGHT NOW. - So are you gonna leave him or fuck him again?

16. I CARE TOO MUCH & U DON'T FUCKIN CARE AT ALL !- Welcome to the world of heterosexual relationships.

17. Rayne: How Can I Prove That You'll Be The Only - Blowjob.

18. i do alot of pushups n situps n drink alot of juce - Aw! Do you mama still put you clothes on? Do you like Yo Gabba Gabba?

19. ic0n eb0ny-fierce.- This is a man's name.

20. Ricomantic - My God, that's worse than "Shontelligence".

Well call my mind officially fucked.

2009-03-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

Trust me, you'll find out what's so fucking creepy if you do it right.

Tom Green Blacked on Fox News

2009-03-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

This is like the Canadian spoken word version of "Sly Fox". Is it bad I've watched this like 6 times?

Phony PPL

2009-03-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

So that guy Dyme-A-Duzin I posted a while ago? He started a band with his friends and guess what? They don't suck! That means you should go listen to them.

PHONY PPL myspace

So, I Just Happened to Search Vagina on Photobucket

2009-03-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

I swear, I have a totally legitimate reason for doing so. These pictures, however, just made me laugh. Especially the first one.

I swear I'm doing this more often.

What Me and My Brother Talk About On the Phone(Guest starring Jasmine)

2009-03-24T18:32:00.000-07:00

Me: I'm about to look at some baby onesies!
Terrell: I took a dump this morning.
Me: . . . Why did you need to tell me that?
Terrell: In the first floor bathroom. While I was making waffles.
**********************************************************

Me: That's my angry demon voice. RRRAAAARRGGH!
Terrell: It sounds like somebody burned you and it sting when you piss.
**********************************************************

Terrell: Yo, this girl Nita got a banging body, son.
Me: Then skeet on it.
Terrell: I don't have her number anymore.
Me: Damn! FAIL!
***********************************************************

Terrell: Yo, ******* mad at me, yo.
Me: Why do you keep talking about her?
Terrell: Because she so cute
Me: Angry baby face.
************************************************************

Jasmine: What are you doing?
Terrell: Listening to Drake.
Jasmine: Drake?
Me: Man, she don't know who Drake is.
Jasmine: Like Drake and Josh?
Me: Wow.
Terrell: She just went gay on me.
************************************************************

Terrell: Remember Britney that lived across the street from Eugene?
Me: Yeah?
Terrell: She like girls now.
Me: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATSHEADYKE!?
************************************************************

Terrell: Jasmine. I need a girlfriend.
Me: He says this, like, every month.
Jasmine: I'm bout to slap him.
************************************************************

Terrell: Jasmine, Eric won't write a blog about me.
Eric: No, this nigga wants me to write a biography about him and shit.
************************************************************
(Talking about Drake)

Jasmine: Do they taste good?
Terrell: What?
Jasmine: His nuts.
Eric: Aww, she carried you! You gonna let her carry you?
Terrell: Nah, I got her.
Jasmine: You didn't answer me.
Me: AAAWWWW! SHE STILL SLIDING YOU!
************************************************************

Me: Yo, I'm about to take a dump.
Terrell: I'ma get off the phone then.
Me: why you always gotta get OFF THE PHONE!?
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Customer Satisfaction Survey

2009-03-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

So, I have followers, which I am kinda still confused about, so I was wondering, what do you like about my blog?

Should I talk more about current events? More coverage of dumb shit?

Post more videos? Be more serious?

Randomness:

If I get less than 5 comments, I will be very Joe Jackson.

So, I Wanna Post A Bunch of Crap, So I'm Just Going to Cram Them into One Post

2009-03-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

It's our two year anniversary.

Pour out some ~~Cristal~~ Juicy Juice for my unborn child.

Kanye's getting the cover of Complex again.

COPPED It's weird and Science Fictiony and awesome.

I want this shirt.

Not in my budget.

E-Rich and Malcolm Maximillion in the Lab

2009-03-23T03:59:00.001-07:00

Yo, I totally have some blaxploitation sideburns right now.

Not cool.

Sperm-Friendly 2009Not Safe for Women

2009-03-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

YOU CAN'T READ THIS IF YOU'RE MY MOTHER

Amber Rose a.k.a Kanye's New Broad

I have photoshop, but I didn't feel like using it.

She's bisexual and she's hot and apparently, her favorite thing to do is lick snatch. She's so awesome that I couldn't help but want to drip-drop spedackle on her face. Kanye, you lucky bastard.

Nicki Minaj

Oooh, she makes me feel dirty just looking at her. *shudder*

Michelle Obama

Yeah, I just did that.

Sarah Palin

Too bad she's a republican, but I'd still nail her like a carpenter. Her accent is sooooo hot. She can be the V.P. of my penis.

Britney Spears

She's had her little stint of insanity and unhotness, but with that "Womanizer" video, she's brought herself back to "nut on her forehead" status.

Christina Milian

You can't not think Christina Milian is hot. I'd aim my wad right for her face.

Keri Hilson

Super skeetable. The things I would do to her. Remember the "Pee on you" song Dave Chappelle did to make fun of R. Kelly? Imagine that with every instance of "pee" and "poop" replaced with "cum", "skeet" and "ejaculate". "Drip drip drip, skeet on you, I wanna skeet on you. I wanna cum in your food"

That was so wrong.

I'm missing some. Any help?

P.S. Get used to seeing that picture of my face a lot. I think it's awesome. It's going to be my version of that weird ass thing Illseed uses for his avatar.

In God (who I think is real) We Trust

2009-03-21T11:47:00.000-07:00

Agnostic theism, also known as Spiritual Agnosticism is the philosophical view that encompasses both theism and agnosticism. Per theism, an agnostic theist believes that the proposition at least one deity exists is true, but, per agnosticism, believes that the existence of gods are unknown or inherently unknowable. The agnostic theist may also or alternatively be agnostic regarding the properties of the god(s) they believe in.

I guess that would be a good description of my beliefs as far as religion. I'm used to just saying "I don't have a religion", but then people think I'm an atheist, which is something you're used to living in Baltimore, which is full of black Christians. If you say anything besides "Jesus is awesome", you're labeled a heathen. Understandable.

I started to fall out of Christian beliefs when I was around 16. I started thinking too much and shit and eventually realized Christianity wasn't the greatest religion ever. I was sitting on a bus stop listening to this old lady talking to this broad about Christianity and how Judgment Day is coming and God is going to wipe all of the heathens(meaning anyone who's not a Christian), homosexuals and sinners off the face of the earth.

That's all good and well, but it's just the smugness of Christians that gets to me. I mean, you think it's weird for people to believe in Buddhism and shit, but it's not weird to believe in a guy that died and is now living in heaven and playing as the middle man between us and God. Kinda rude, don't you think? There's a verse or something saying "If you deny me before man, I deny you before my father". What kind of bullshit is that? So if I'm a good person, but I don't want to be best friends with Jesus, he can be like "I don't want him up here because I don't like him"? The bible's stories have to many plotholes in them that I'd rather not argue about.

Religion is an extremely sensitive topic, being that wars are fought over it. My teacher in West African History said "Christianity was silly" and a girl in my class argued with him and then ran out crying and never came back. I try not to question Christianity out loud too much because then people want to set you straight. I'm not saying I hate Jesus or I think Christianity is stupid, it's just not parallel to how I see the world, you know? One of my best friends is an ordained minister and I don't feel like hearing a lecture about the greatness of the father, the son and the holy ghost. I'll leave all the arguing shit for atheists.

By the way, I don't like atheists. Atheists believe that people don't like them because they don't believe in God. That's not it. It's that these fuckers are so arrogant about the fact they don't believe in God, you'd think they had proof that he didn't exist. They ridicule religious and spiritual people for their beliefs, but don't have a good defense for their own. If you ask an atheist "How do you know God doesn't exist?", they'd most likely respond "There is no proof of his existence." So, where's the proof of his non-existence? They don't fucking know. So instead of talking about awesome you are and how dumb Christians are, they could perhaps work on, I don't know, shutting the fuck up.

Okay, no more religion talk. I want to talk about funny shit.

I Couldn't Be Less Confused

2009-03-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

Wait, what?

I supply you with this website of "What the fuckery".

Picture is Unrelated

Reasons I'm Embarrassed of Baltimore

2009-03-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

Bucketheads

Oh my God, how I loathe thee. Walking down the street with four or five brightly colored bracelets on each arm, a lime green tutu and yellow spandex. What men see in you, I couldn't possibly understand, but fortunately my taste in women doesn't reside in such colorblind creatures.

Sitting in the back of the bus with Nay-Nay and Larishaqueshanaekown yelling "FUCK YOU, BITCH" and talking about how big Jakwonalonathon's penis is. My child will be attending county school to avoid your tomfoolery.

<FUCKING BUS

Goddamn MTA bus. You're rarely on time and the denizens of your bus make me consider walking to my destination rather than waiting two hours for a bus that can get me down the street.

Your bus drivers are as effective at enforcing rules as school teachers. If someone lights a cigarette on your bus, you don't give a shit. Matter of fact, you wouldn't stop your bus unless some pickaninnies are having a battle in the back, but by then one of them have probably already pulled out a gun and killed us.

Gangs

This is an annoyance that's starting to become less prominent due to Sheila Dixon telling the knockers "Eat what you want", but it became a pain in the ass. The bloods and crips in Baltimore now don't really do shit except jump people that aren't in gangs and yell out gang jargon to passing buses.

What happened to the good old days? Not that those days were good (Baltimore is actually safer now than it was, say, 20 years ago), but I remember when dudes were repping neighborhoods and shit rather than colors. Baltimore & Hilton, Edmondson Village, Edmonson Ave, Irvington and all that shit. Fortunately from me, I was from neighborhoods no one cared about, so I didn't get jumped. . . Well, once, but that was in middle school and it was random as shit.

I could think of more, but not right now. I guess this is a part 1.

A Vagina With A Mullet

2009-03-18T10:49:00.001-07:00

- Some dudes from Morgan University made a Morgan version of "Brooklyn Girls". You should check it out because they're from Baltimore. Wait. . .

- You probably don't know what "Brooklyn Girls" is.

- Why is it that when George Bush signed a stimulus bill, niggas was like "Whatever. Money. Yay." but soon as Obama signs one, stimulus is the hot new phrase. I saw a poster for a restaurant that said "Seafood Stimulus" for a special selling lobster for 19.99. There's also a lot of rapper's comparing themselves to a stimulus.

- Before this, people would've thought a stimulus was a shot they gave to cure erectile dysfunction.

- I said I would stop talking about Chris Brown and Robyn Fendi, like, a week ago, but apparently they got pictures of Chris Brown having fun and shit. I mean, he shouldn't be? You expect wife beaters to stop having fun when they beat a wife?

- I really hate people that wear t-shirts with rock band logos and don't listen to rock. That shit is, like, really annoying.

- "Hey, you listen to AC/DC" "What? That's not a clothing line?"

- Random fact about my girlfriend: She hates Nicholas Cage really bad. She thinks he's the worst actor ever. Since the Knowing is coming out, he's been making the rounds promoting it, so she doesn't even watch T.V. anymore.

- Okay, I over exaggerated.

- I'm trying to do a "What Me and My Brother Talk About on the Phone" again, but Terrell's too busy with bucketheads to stay on the phone long enough.

- I hate that bucketheads know how to do html and change their font color and shit, but they still type "LiiKe Diis". They seriously replace i's and y's with two i's. That shit it like a phenomenon.

- I'm sorry if I offended any bucketheads.

- If I didn't say already, it's a boy. With a penis.

- Honestly, I'm starting to not like Wale. He's starting to say stuff I'd expect from a D.C. person.

- "What if I made a 'kiss me through the phone' remix?"

- "Why everybody ganging up on Soulja Boy? Rakim and Big Daddy Kanye didn't attack Fresh Prince for making fun music."

- For anyone not from Maryland, all of the lame black people are situated in D.C. and P.G. County.

- In all honesty, we have hella clowns, dipshits and lames here in Baltimore, but in D.C. and P.G. they're lame in a "Harlem" kinda way.

- They wear skinny jeans and sag them down to their knees and say "lunchin" and "loafin"

- I might get shot for my views one day.

- That'll mean I did something right.

So Bad It's Funny - The Youtube videos

2009-03-15T17:10:00.000-07:00

I subscribed to her because her videos are hilarious, but she deleted most of the good ones. She, I believe, thinks she is seductive with her dance moves, which is wrong because I'm not aroused at all. Not even a tingle. Here's a comment from one of her videos:

I would suck on dat asshole shawty you fine as fuck. Fuck wut deez bitches talking 'bout

Ew.

She's sooooooo bad. I wish she had her old videos. They were really bad. Like, it's like someone sweded another booty shaking video on youtube. Sweded. That's from Be Kind Rewind. Watch that.

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

2009-03-15T16:56:00.000-07:00

I just rediscovered this webcomic looking at my other favorite webcomic and I'm upset that I haven't read it in so long. It's, like, bizarre, weird jokes for smart, weird people. Like myself.

Shit I Hate

2009-03-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

Jimmy Fallon

HE'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY! HE'S NOT FUNNY! IF YOU THINK HE'S FUNNY, YOU DESERVE TO DIE A SLOW, PAINFUL BLOODY DEATH! I swear to God if I see a clip of him on Saturday Night Live and he looks at the camera and laughs one more time, I'm going to find my way to the Late Night show and kill him. WHY WOULD THEY LET HIM HOST THE LATE NIGHT SHOW AFTER CONAN O' BRIEN!? That's like Yung Berg coming out with a mixtape called "So Far Gone" after Drake. It's so not the same. The Roots band can't help him and I am labeling them sell-outs for getting on a show with this assclown. JESUS CHRIST!

Bluetooth Headsets

I don't hate bluetooth headsets as much as I hate the people who use them. This thing was invented to help make life easier. For example, it's unsafe to drive and talk on the phone at the same time. BAM put your headset in and both hands are free. Perhaps you were having a conversation and you have to lift something or you're doing something that involves both hands. Pop your headset in and go about your day.

But no, being that humankind, especially Americans, are obnoxious douchebags, they decide to accept the bluetooth headset as a sort of status symbol. I hate seeing assholes walking down the street talking to themselves and I'm like "WTF is wrong with this cocksprain?" and they turn to the side and I see a bluetooth headset. Maybe I'm pissed because I'm entertained by the idea of a crazy person then just find out that they're on the phone, but this would be avoided if you just held your phone up to your ear like everyone else. No one thinks you're cool or that you're rich we just think you're an assface.

Swag

My definition of swag:

"To dress in bright colors and other shit that people don't usually wear and when people get on you for your style, you say that they are 'wack' and they are 'haters'".

Like, really, there's no such thing as a swag. Swag doesn't exist. It's the Lil Wayne effect. Lil Wayne constantly called himself the best rapper alive to the point that 95% of his dick riders believe this to be true. Now when you go around saying you have swag, then people might start to believe you.

This phrase--"swag"-- has caused me to use the phrase "swagga on a hundred thousand trillion" that was first said by Kanye West in the song "Swagga Like Us". When I use this phrase, however, I use it for someone that is dressing in a very humorous and abnormal way and I mock the fact that they chose to wear that outfit out of their house by saying "Yo swag on a hundred thousand trillion".

So if I say that about you, it's not a compliment, but you should take it as such to avoid a verbal assault.

Intermission

2009-03-04T21:43:00.000-08:00

more animals

Why I Might Not Be Posting That Much

2009-03-01T16:57:00.000-08:00

This is me now.

Man vs. Food

2009-02-26T17:15:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday while I was reading the Digital Ape blog, I read a post by Ape James that linked to a website called This is Why You're Fat. It listed and pictured all kinds of food that would probably cause morbidly obese people to jizz their underwear.

After looking at some of the foods James had posted, I suddenly remembered that I always wanted to try a Luther burger. If you've never heard of the Luther burger, it was made popular by an episode of the Boondocks where Grandpa Freeman got his own restaurant and sold the infamous burger. It is basically a bacon cheeseburger with the buns replaced by glazed donuts. I was delighted at the idea.

So, I proceeded to cook the bacon. . .

Then the cheeseburger. . .

and voila, the Luther burger!

I began to chow down on the behemoth of saturated fat and enjoyed it's juicy, sweet, beefy flavor.

Halfway through the trans fat titan I felt my heart crying. My arteries went into overload to prepare for the clogging that will take place soon. I began to wonder if making this 4-digit calorie monster was worth it. Once I finished my heart-stopping friend, I proceeded to succumb to the symptoms of. . . the itis.

5 minutes after finishing. . .

10 minutes after finishing. . .

12 minutes after finishing. . .

35 minutes after finishing. . .

As you can see, after removing the excess food from my digestive system, this unhealthy demon now has room to destroy my system and exit from my body another day.

I can feel my tits growing a full cup size as I type.

30 Reasons a Woman Should Get "Chris Browned"

2009-02-25T15:06:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately for Chris Brown, the heinous deed he committed a few weeks ago has caused his government name to become a verb that will be synonymous with the severe ass-whoopings of females. Now, while men will be jokingly telling girlfriends and female friends "Chill out before I Chris Brown you", let's look at legitimate reasons for "Chris Browning" your loved one.

1. She ate the last piece of cake.

2. She had sex with your best friend. Twice. While you were downstairs making them both food. Then, skeeting on your pillow and turning it on the other side.

3. She cheated on you. While she was pregnant. Then said "Another man's dick was all near your baby. What you gonna do about it?" FALCON! PAUNCH!

4. She killed your mother.

5. She killed your father.

6. She says your gay for thinking 300 is a "manly movie" because it has a bunch of sweaty men in it. She also says it wasn't that good.

7. She got rid of your porn collection, saying you don't care about her as much as these "porn hos"

8. When her friends ask about you and she says "I love his/her personality. I don't really care about looks."

9. She tries to slide her finger in your butt.

10. She becomes a lesbian and then blames you for it.

11. If she successfully stabs you or shoots you.

12. She breaks your video game system and doesn't pay for a new one.

13. She knows you have a phobia of something so to get you back for something trivial like cheating on her, she, for example, puts a bunch of snakes on you when you're afraid of snakes.

14. She gets you raped.

15. She put a picture of you on the internet when you were drunk involving any of these things:

your anus

your penis

finger painting

a glass bottle

another man

16. You see her in a porno that was filmed recently.

17. She flirts with your dad.

18. She hits you in the testicles. It doesn't matter WHAT they say, if they purposefully cause you testicular harm, that means they opened the cage. You are a Super Saiyan now and they are Frieza.

19. They tossed another man's salad and kissed you in the same day.

20. They fellated another man and kissed you in the same day.

21. She got you sent to jail for no reason. They do that.

22. She tried to reenact the video for "Hit Em Up Style"

23. She tried to reenact the video for "Bust the Windows Out Your Car"

24. She thinks your celebrity crush is ugly

25. She thinks Chipotle burritos are nasty

26. After sex, she says "Your brother was better"

27. She bites your penis. On purpose.

28. She says she "loves you", but refuses to give you oral pleasures.

29. You find out she lied about being a virgin.

30. She thinks video games aren't good Valentine's Day presents

This list was completely tongue-in-cheek. Not all of these are genuine reasons for beating up a woman, but some are. Men know which ones.

The E-Rich Show starring

2009-02-25T14:37:00.000-08:00

Eric as E-Rich

That's me. Sexiest man on the planet who at times transforms into Action Bastard.

Lashawn as Mom

That's my mother. An intelligent woman who oft-times influences my decisions. Also where I get half of my humor from.

Eric Sr. as Dad

My father. An intelligent man who oft-times influences my desicions. Where I got the other half of my humor from.

Jasmine as "Baby Mama"

The woman whom I've been in a 2 year relationship and is now bearing my child. ~~She's a butthole.~~

Eugene as Malcolm Maximillion

~~sidekick of Action Bastard~~Friend of E-Rich. Creates beats and does other stuff, like live with his girlfriend.

Terrell as T-Jay

The ~~troublemaking, womanizing~~ younger brother. He's so awesome. Or something.

Kyree as Kyzilla

The youngest brother. ~~Pain in the butt~~ I love him so much.

Because This is So Much Fun

2009-02-23T20:50:00.000-08:00

Turning popular movie names into adult film movie names = priceless

- Cumdog Millionaire

- The Dark Pipe

- Babylon B.J.

- Cockbang Dangerous

- Camp Cock

- The Chronicles of Pornia: Princess Lesbian

- The Bi-Curious Case of Benjamin Buttsex

- Handcock

- The Midnight Skeet Train

- One Licked Ball

- Pride and Glory Holes

I was so bored.